The Boy with the Thorn in His Side

This Week In Cool Stuff

2012-01-27T04:25:00.000-08:00

It seems like the biggest thing this week on the blogosphere was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and his church's discipline policy. A week or so ago I said I was done blogging about him, so today's This Week In Cool Stuff (the official name of my Friday link roundup thingie) will NOT have any links regarding He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I think we already established his d-baggery.

But these stories are just as cool:

-This week we saw the full list of this year's Oscar nominations. Among the films nominated for best picture are Midnight in Paris, Hugo, The Help, The Artist, and The Tree of Life.

Out of all of the Best Picture nominees, I've only seen Midnight in Paris so far, which I thought was great. I'm usually skeptical of Woody Allen's post-Annie Hall work, but Midnight in Paris is classic Woody!

-Relevant Magazine cause a stir after they published a god-awful article called We Are All Joe Paterno. Sarah Moon spells out the main problem with the article:

"Rather than posting an article encouraging us to see Paterno as a human, like all of us, while acknowledging that he made an inhumane mistake, this article asked us to view Paterno as a super-human, who made a measly mistake that ought to be glossed over in light of his football accomplishments."

This is one reason why I no longer subscribe to Relevant Magazine. Forgive me if I am biting the hand that feeds, since I've written several articles for their website in the past, but I think Relevant tries way too hard to "redeem culture." Plus, they're not really as hip and cool as they would like for us to believe.

-And because nothing goes together better than hardcore and children, here's eight-year-old Juliet's hardcore anthem to her dog Robert and her fish:

I expect to hear this at Hot Topic in the near future!

What Else Could I Write?

2012-01-25T12:35:00.001-08:00

(Image found on Roy Hershel's Deviant Art page.)

Did you ever get the feeling that you have nothing to say?

I don't mean just temporary moments of being uninspired. I mean wondering if you have ANYTHING AT ALL to say.

Do my words mean anything to anyone?

Is my story worth sharing with anyone?

Compared to all the other great storytellers out there on the blogosphere, my writing is crap! How can I compete.

Then I remember that old Emily Dickinson poem:

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

So maybe I don't need a thousand readers, or a hundred blog hits a day. Maybe all I need is just one person to say, "Wow, I know EXACTLY what you mean! Thank you so much for sharing your story."

What do you think? Is it enough to stop one heart from breaking?

Friday Roundup Link Thingie!

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-08:00

Alise Wright does it. Rachel Held Evans does it. Even Sarah Moon is doing it now.

So let's do it.

Let's do a Friday Roundup Link Thingie!

Okay, so it's not the best title in the world. But until I come up with a better title, here are some of my favorite reads from this past week:

-Frank Viola illustrates the the four current streams of evangelicalism: the Systematizers, the Activists, the Emoters, and the Beyond Evangelicals. The last one, according to Viola, is where the future of evangelicalism lies. The key elements of Beyond Evangelicals are:

"*The centrality and supremacy of the Lord Jesus Christ.
*Living by the indwelling life of Christ.
*Experiencing church as a Christ-centered, shared-life community.
*Living for the eternal purpose of God."

Sounds like a good idea. But I'm not sure if we need another cool label to separate ourselves from the old time fundamentalists. Right now I just consider myself another pilgrim trying to find my way home.

-Speaking of fundamentalists, over at Roger Olson's blog Mike Clawson writes about the so-called neo-fundamentalism movement. According to Clawson:

"The driving force behind neo-fundamentalism, as with historic fundamentalism, is a 'remnant mentality.' Neo-fundamentalists believe they alone are remaining true to the fullness of the gospel and orthodox faith while the rest of the evangelical church is in grave, near-apocalyptic danger of theological drift, moral laxity, and compromise with a postmodern culture – a culture which they see as being characterized by a skepticism towards Enlightenment conceptions of “absolute truth,” a pluralistic blending of diverse beliefs, values, and cultures, and a suspicion of hierarchies and traditional sources of authority. Because of this hostility toward postmodern ways of thinking, neo-fundamentalists have little tolerance for diversity of opinions among evangelicals on any issues they perceive as essential doctrines – which are most of them – as opposed to the broader evangelical movement which historically has allowed for a much wider range of disagreement on disputable matters.Neo-fundamentalists thus respond to the challenges of a postmodern culture by narrowing the boundaries of what they consider genuinely evangelical and orthodox Christianity, and rejecting those who maintain a more open stance."

Which is why I don't hang with fundamentalists: they make the narrow road so narrow, you feel like you're walking a tightrope!

-Finally, it looks like I'm not the only one who said "Farewell, Mark Driscoll". I knew I should have had that phrase copyrighted!

Farewell, Mark Driscoll

2012-01-16T11:21:00.000-08:00

(Image found, ironically enough, at Apprising Ministries.)

There comes a time when, no matter how much you yell and scream, there are just some things in life that just aren't worth wasting your breath over. That's why this will be the very last blog post, tweet, Facebook rant I will ever write about Mark Driscoll.

Long-time readers will know that I am not a fan of the Seattle mega-church New Calvinist preacher. I used to think that maybe if enough ranted about him enough, he would somehow get the idea that his words are causing more harm than good. But after his recent interview with British radio host Justin Brierly, I now see that no matter how many emails we send Mars Hill, Driscoll will always be a bully.

Case in point, at one point during the interview Brierly says that his wife is pastor of their church, which is where Driscoll lost his shit:

Driscoll: Kay, let me ask you a few hard questions.

Brierley: Go ahead, go ahead.

Driscoll: So, in the church that your wife pastors, how many young men have come to Christ in the last year?

Brierley: Well we’re not a huge church, unlike yours, but I’d say there’s two or three probably in the last year who certainly, yah, I’d say have come to Christ in a pretty meaningful way.

Driscoll: Okay and in the church, what percentage is young men, single men?

Brierley: It’s difficult to say off the top of my head, but I’ll freely say it’s certainly not a big percentage, no.

Driscoll: Kay, and are you okay with that? Do you think that’s the best way to go?

Brierley: No, but can it be so easily put down to the fact that the church is being run by a woman? I mean, is that …

Driscoll: Yup. Yup. You look at your results, you look at my results, and you look at the variable that’s most obvious.

Brierley: Well, in our case, the …

Driscoll: This is where the excuses come, not the verses. This is where the excuses come, not the verses.

Brierley: … Up to the point my wife took over, it had been run by men. Since she’s come, lots of new families, lots of younger people, both men and women, have come. I wouldn’t say the balance is right perfect yet by any means. But it’s certainly a lot better than it ever was. And so I don’t necessarily see quite the same situation that you paint there in terms of men not relating. I see more men in the church since she’s been there than before she was there, in a way.

Driscoll: What kind of men? Strong men?

Brierley: Well, men. I mean, men come in different shapes and sizes. I mean, yah, both really. Men who are very masculine, men who are, I guess, on a spectrum, more effeminate. But I couldn’t say that there’s been a sort of dearth of men in the church since she’s arrived. I mean, Mark, I don’t want to get into a sort of argument.

Driscoll: No, no, you don’t want to sit in my seat, I understand. So does your wife do counseling with men? Sexual counseling? Does she talk about masturbation, pornography, the stuff that I do?

Brierley: Well no, she doesn’t.

Driscoll: Well, who does talk to the men about those things, especially the young men?

Brierley: Well there are other people that she can pass them on to. We have male elders in our church who, you know, would be able to tackle those kinds of questions. I mean, but would you speak with those kinds of issues to a female in your church?

Driscoll: Uh no. If they’re a married couple we might meet with them as a couple. But if it’s a woman, we would have women leaders meet with them.

Brierley: Sure, well it’s the same scenario in our church really.

Driscoll: Well except for who’s in charge.

Brierley: Well what’s wrong with… I mean, I agree, obviously theologically we’re not on the same page here Mark in terms of…

Driscoll: Do you believe in a conscious literal eternal torment of hell?

Brierley: What has that got to do with the issue of women in leadership, if you don’t mind me asking?

Driscoll: It does. It depends on your view of God. Is God like a mom who just embraces everyone? Or is he like a father who also protects, and defends, and disciplines? If you won’t answer the question, I think I know the answer.

Even though I've never been to Mars Hill church, I used to listen to Driscoll's podcasts on a semi-regular basis. The more I listened to him, though, the more I was reminded of all the kids in high school who called me a 'faggot' and a 'queer.' Instead of reminding me of God's grace, Driscoll reminded me time and time again that I'm just a 'boy who shaves.' Even after I stopped listening to his sermons, I still had a tiny voice inside of my head telling me that God will never love me because I'm not a 'real man.'

Well, I'm done with all of that now!

I'm done with Driscoll and his misogyny and homophobia. I'm done with constantly feeling like crap. I'm done with obsessing over him. Maybe some day he will learn the error of his ways. But for now, I'm done trying to make it happen.

Can You Hate Religion and Still Love Jesus?

2012-01-12T15:45:00.001-08:00

Chances are you've seen this video floating around Facebook within the past couple of days. As some one who considers himself a "spiritual-but-not-religious Christian," I was one of the thousands of Christians who thought this video was brilliant. Others, on the other hand, didn't share my enthusiasm.

The American Jesus has probably the lengthiest critique of the video. Here's an excerpt:

My issue with this video is that it panders to a false, but widely accepted Protestant Evangelical narrative; one which has come to supplant Christianity itself as the “true gospel.”

Here’s the narrative in brief:

Jesus came to abolish religion. Then the church came along and re-instituted it, telling people there was a particular to live in order to be a Christian. Now, we need once more to be liberated from the shackles of religion in order to be able to “freely” worship Jesus.

It sounds nice. And if you were to survey most people walking out of Protestant churches this Sunday morning, I feel pretty confident is saying that most of them would agree it’s the gospel, or at least pretty close to it.

But it’s not. In fact, there’s very little in either that narrative or the narrative presented in the video above that are actually true.

Most critics say that the biggest problem with this video is that it creates a false dichotomy between the Gospel and religion. After all, according to the dictionary, the actual definition of religion is "the service and worship of God or the supernatural." Jesus was against legalism, not religion itself.

That may be true, but I sometimes have a hard time spotting the difference.

If you read this blog on a regular basis, you know that I have a love/hate relationship with religion and the institutionalized church. There are good things about religion, but there are a lot of bad things, too. Maybe it's just me, but when I think of "religion," I automatically think about petty church politics, legalists, right-winged nut job fundamentalists, and Mark Driscoll. I think of a preacher who says "Saved by grace alone" one minute, and then gives you a list of dogmas you have to believe in literally in order to be a "real Christian." So when some one says, "I love Jesus, but I hate religion," my knee-jerk reaction is to shout, "Amen!"

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all of the stuff I mentioned above has nothing to do with religion at all. Maybe I'm just upset about all of the religious hypocrisy I see in Christianity.

So let me ask you: Do you think it's possible to hate religion and still love Jesus? Are the two terms polar opposites?

Tebow on the Pedestal

2012-01-10T12:02:00.001-08:00

(Image found at International Business Times)

I don’t know a doggone thing about football. Sure, I’ll watch bits and pieces of a game here and there, but for the most part football is a foreign language to me. You would have a much better chance talking about Bon Iver’s latest album with me than about football.

There is, however, one person that has sparked a sudden interest in football: Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos. No what team you root for, we can all agree that this kid can play. This past Sunday’s match with the Pittsburg Steelers even caught the attention of rapper Tyler, the Creator, who tweeted, “I really did not know who or what the f*** a Tebow was until four minutes ago.”

For evangelicals, though, Tebow represents more than just a talented football player; he is the quintessential All-American Christian Boy. He doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t drink, and he doesn’t do drugs. He’s a virgin who is saving himself for marriage. And of course, let’s not forget his meme-worthy prayer pose. In the eyes of evangelicals, Tebow is the poster boy for devout Christians everywhere who defy “political correctness” (whatever that means) by confessing that Jesus is Lord at every opportunity.

And this is why I fear for Tebow. No, it’s not because I want Tebow to stop being so Jesusy in order to make everyone comfortable. It’s because the higher evangelicals put Christian celebrities on the pedestal, the harder they will eventually fall.

Back in 2004, Mel Gibson became the darling of American evangelicals with his film The Passion of the Christ. The movie’s dramatic—and graphic—portrayal of Jesus’ trial and crucifixion became the religious film event of the year before it was even released. For evangelicals, Gibson was a shining beacon in the midst of the dark, evil, liberal Hollywood elite.

Cut to two years later when Gibson was arrested for drunk driving. While the DUI was bad enough, the real shock was his anti-Semitic remarks to the police officers. Things only got worse for Gibson when he left his wife for Oksana Grigorieva. That relationship ended with a million-dollar divorce and a slew of recorded profanity-laced, threatening, and disturbing phone calls.

Then there was Carrie Prejean, the Miss America contestant whose anti-gay marriage comments during the pageant made her a moral leader for many conservative Christians. She even received a standing ovation during an appearance on the Dove Awards. A few months later, though, some topless pictures of her were released. A few lawsuits and an embarrassing Larry King interview later, Prejean’s current celebrity status is in the “Where are they now?” area.

Of course, things might be different for Tebow. Maybe he won’t succumb to all of the Hollywood temptations. Maybe his faith will keep him from a humiliating fall from grace. He will, however, probably make some mistakes, because at the end of the day, despite beating the Steelers during overtime, Tebow is still a human being with all the same hang-ups and imperfections like the rest of us. So when he does fudge up, hopefully the evangelicals won’t crucify him.

Praying for Death

2012-01-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

(Image found at The Religion Network)

This is my first contribution to my friend Joy Bennett's weekly series Life: Unmasked. Also, I should make it clear that I'm okay. Don't read this post as a cry for help. I'm just telling a story.

I'm trying to develop a daily Bible reading plan using the Daily Office from the Book of Common Prayer. For my non-liturgical readers, the Daily Office has assigned scripture readings for each day: one from the Old Testament, one from an Epistle, and a Gospel reading.

Yesterday, the Old Testament reading was 1 Kings 19:1-8. Ever come across a scripture passage that's eerily similar to a situation you're current going through? This was definitely the case.

"Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, 'May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.'

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.' Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep." (1-5a, emphasis mine)

So here we have Elijah, on the lam from the princess Jezebel after killing off all of the pagan prophets. After a day's journey, he finds himself out in the wilderness, alone, tired, and fearing for his life. There's nowhere for him to go. Elijah has no other choice but to ask God to kill him.

And if I can be totally honest with you, I've been where Elijah is.

Okay, so maybe not the part about slaughtering pagan prophets (call me a bleeding heart liberal, but I still cringe at mass killings in the Bible). But during this past year I've asked God several times to kill me. Sometimes when I look ahead of me, all I see is more trouble and more struggles. Nothing ever gets resolved. It's all a never-ending cycle of shit. That's when I give God hell. Is this the "abundant life" you promised me? Bullshit! I'm sick of this. I want out. Why won't you let me drink myself into oblivion? That's all I want.

But notice how God answers Elijah's prayer:

"All at once an angel touched him and said, 'Get up and eat.' He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, 'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.' So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God." (5b-8, emphasis mine)

God gives Elijah food and water instead of death. Elijah doesn't get his wish; instead, God gives him nourishment for the long journey ahead. And maybe God's doing the same with me. Maybe God has better plans for me than instant death. And, here's the amazing part, maybe God is actually with me helping me out when the journey gets tough.

Well, guess I gotta stick around to find out.

Favorite Albums of 2011

2011-12-29T17:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so now that we've got the best songs of 2011 out of the way, let's look at this year's best albums:

1. Bon Iver - Bon Iver

2. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

3. Tyler, the Creator - Goblin

4. Adele - 21

5. Coldplay - Mylo Xyloto

6. The Head and the Heart - The Head and the Heart

7. Sara Groves - Invisible Empires

8. David Bazan - Strange Negotiations

9. Heatherlyn - Storydwelling

10. The Civil Wars - Barton Hollow

Favorite Songs of 2011

2011-12-27T17:56:00.000-08:00

*UPDATE: Since posting the original list last night, I realized that I forgot about Adele, so this is the updated list.

Okay, so it's time to do some end-of-the-year best-of lists. Tonight I'm going to share my favorite songs from the past year. Here they are:

1. Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall.

2. Tyler, the Creator - Yonkers (Explicit lyrics)

3. Jessica Lea Mayfield - Our Hearts are Wrong

4. The Black Keys - Lonely Boy

5. Bon Iver - Towers

6. The Head and the Heart - Lost in my Mind

7. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

8. Reeve Carney featuring Bono and The Edge - Rise Above 1

9. Over the Rhine - All My Favorite People

10. Adele - Rolling in the Deep

O Come O Come Emmanuel - An Advent/Christmas Mix

2011-12-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

(Image found on Wikipedia)

As a special Christmas gift for all my readers, I made a special Advent/Christmas mix on Spotify. They're not all hymns, though. Instead, each song represents the longing of Advent and the hope of Chrsitmas. Here's the track list:

1. "O Come O Come Emmanuel" by Sufjan Stevens
2. "Someday at Christmas" by Stevie Wonder
3. "I Believe in Father Christmas" by Greg Lake
4. "River" by Joni Mitchell
5. "The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth" by David Bowie and Bing Crosby
6. "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon
7. "Do They Know It's Christmas" by the cast of Glee
8. "Sister Winter" by Sufjan Stevens
9. "O Little Town of Bethlehem" by Emmylou Harris
10. "Away in a Manger" by Mindy Smith
11. "Angels From the Realm of Glory" by Annie Lennox
12. "O Holy Night" by Sara Groves
13. "Silent Night" by Mahalia Jackson

Just click here to start listening.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas With My Father (A Repost)

2011-12-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

(Image found at Free Clip Art Now.)

This is a piece I wrote about two years ago. Since a lot of my blogging friends are reposting stuff, think I'll put this up again. Enjoy!

When I was five years old I got an unexpected Christmas gift. That morning I woke up at my usually time of 7 a.m. (I was a light sleeper even then) to find an array of toys under the bright Christmas tree in my grandparents' basement. I quickly fell on my knees to look through each and every thing Santa delivered over the night. And then, from the top of the stairs, I heard, "Ho ho ho!"

I knew that voice anywhere. It was my father!

Sure enough, there was Dad in his long leather coat, dark shades, and fedora hat coming down the stairs. The old familiar smell of beer and cigarettes--left over from nights tending punk rock bars--lingered on his shirt. I don't remember what all I got that year, although I'm sure I got a lot of great toys. All I remember is that Dad took the time to spend Christmas morning with me.

Dad was more like a fun uncle that would occasionally visit, rather than an actual father. As a child I would sit by the window and eagerly wait for his next visit. When will he be here? Why is he late? He said he’d be here. Is he going to bail out again? Finally a car would pull into the driveway and there he would be: punk band t-shirt, Converse All Stars, beer and cigarettes on his breath. During his visits, we wrestled in the living room, fished at the park, and played with nearly everything at KB Toys. He introduced me to punk rock, and taught me the comedic genius of poop jokes. Then he would leave again, and I wouldn’t see him again for another six months. Maybe even longer.

For a while Mom never told me why she and Dad divorced. Whenever I asked, she would just say, “It just didn’t work out” and leave it at that.

As I got older, I saw less and less of him. Sometimes I would be years before he would visit again. Around the same time, Mom told me why they divorced: the drugs, the women, and finally one day packing up all his stuff and leaving behind only a note on the dining room table. Ever since the divorce Mom often had to work two jobs so I could have enough to eat, since she never received one child support check from Dad. As I learned all this, the image I had of my dad being some golden idol quickly tarnished; now I only saw a pathetic man who refused to grow up. I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

But after a strange series of events--including finding out that I have a younger half-brother--Dad and I got back in touch. And he's really grown up; he now has a seven-year-old daughter who means the world to him. For her, spending Christmas morning with Dad isn't just a once-in-a-lifetime event. It may have taken him a while, but now Dad knows you can be Mr. Punk Rock and still be a parent.

It would have been nice if Dad knew that sooner, but then I wouldn't have had such a memorable Christmas that year.

What's The Big Deal About Gay Inclusion?

2011-12-15T15:58:00.000-08:00

(Image found at Queer New York.)

(This post is part of The More Excellent Way's December blog topic.)

Seriously, who cares? I’m not gay, so it doesn’t affect me in any way. Besides, if they want to be that way, then that’s their problem. Give me one good reason why I should care about gay inclusion in the Church?

Well, I have a few reasons:

Tyler Clementi

Seth Walsh

Raymond Chase

No doubt many of you recognize these names from the news. But if you need a refresher, these are just some of the many gay teenagers who have committed suicide.

Yes, I know, suicide is a horrible thing, no matter who it is. But what does this have to do with the Church?

Because if the Church cannot be a refuge for these kids, if our theology says they will never be a part of the Kingdom of God, then something is horribly wrong!

I know that “radical inclusion” gets tossed around way too much by us progressive Christians who are trying to look hip and cool, so I’ll spare you all the bad clichés. But I will say this: if the Church truly is the Body of Christ here on earth, then it’s high time it open up its doors to the LGBTQ community. No, not so we can preach at them and try to get them to “convert” to our proper straight values. Instead, we should recognize and celebrate our queer brothers and sisters in Christ.

Oh, great, another liberal acting like Thomas Jefferson and cutting out pieces of the Bible he doesn’t like.

On the contrary: I’m open and affirming because of Scripture!

Throughout the New Testament we see how several people on the outside of Judaism are now welcomed into the Kingdom of God. There is, for example, the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts chapter 8. Being both a foreigner and a eunuch, he would not be allowed fully participate in temple worship, according to the Law of Moses. In Isaiah 56:1-7, however, we read that God will eventually open the gates to His Kingdom to both foreigners and eunuchs. We’re not told what exactly Philip says to the eunuch, but if the eunuch wanted to be baptized immediately I’m pretty sure Philip told him about Isaiah’s prophecy. (Hat tip: A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren)

Then there’s the Samaritan woman at the well. We’re told that Jews did not associate with Samaritans (John 4:9). Yet Jesus, a Jew, not only carries on a conversation with this woman, but also reveals Himself as the Messiah to her.

So if Jesus can extend His hands towards African eunuchs and Samaritans, you think He can also extend His hands towards the LGBTQ community, too?

Yeah, but what about 1 Corinthians 6:9? Doesn’t look like gays can enter the Kingdom to me.

I don’t have enough time to deconstruct all of the infamous “clobber passages” at this time, but after doing some research I have come to believe that those particular verses have been mistranslated and taken out of their historical context. For more info, click here.

Queer people have been second-class citizens in the Kingdom of God for way too long now. And since there is no class system in the Kingdom, I think it’s time we did something about it.

Let Faith Fill In The Gaps

2011-12-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

(Image from Popgadget)

Anyone who knows me knows that when a particular subject interests me, I go out and read every single thing I can about that subject until it becomes an obsession and it is all I ever talk about. Yeah, I’m that nerdy!

Lately the subject that has become my obsession is the history of Christianity. Turns out it’s a lot more complicated than the short history lesson a lot of evangelical churches teach: God wrote the Bible, the Catholics came along and ruined things, Luther and Calvin saved the day, the end. There’s a whole two-thousand year history that’s full of different doctrines, ideas, theologies, and schisms that have shaped the religion throughout the years. In fact, I think Christianity is still evolving right now as I write this.

Unfortunately, some of the things I have read had made me question a lot of my theology.

Long-time readers will know that I have mixed feelings about Marcus Borg. On one hand, his book Reading the Bible Again For the First Time has definitely taught me how to take the Bible seriously without interpreting every story literally. But on the other hand, when he questions the historical accuracy of anything that the Apostle’s Creed confirms, that’s when I get a little anxious.

For example, since this is the Advent season I’ve had the virgin birth on my mind a lot lately. Only two of the gospels mention anything about Jesus’ birth--Matthew and Luke--and none of the New Testament books written prior to Matthew and Luke say anything about Jesus’ birth. Also, both Matthew and Luke have different details about what exactly happened on that first Christmas morning. And then of course, there’s the fact that in the original Hebrew, Isaiah 7:14 could mean either “virgin” or “young girl.” (Hat tip: Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time, chapter 2).

Of course since we can’t go back in time to give Mary a physical examination, there’s no way of knowing for sure whether or not she really was a virgin. But since I’ve always been the over-analytical type, I can’t help but wonder, “If the virgin birth isn’t factual, what about the incarnation? How else could God come to earth as a human?”

I can’t help but think about what Martin Luther King Jr said about science and religion:

“Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power; religion gives man wisdom which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary.
Science keeps religion from sinking into the valley of crippling irrationalism and paralyzing obscurantism. Religion prevents science from falling into the marsh of obsolete materialism and moral nihilism.”

And I think the same can be applied to history. We need historical fact in order to distinguish myth from reality. Of course all facts need interpretation, and this where faith comes in. The book of Hebrews tells us that “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (11:1). When there are gaps in the facts, or the facts leave gaps in our previously-held theology, faith fills in those gaps. It does not ignore the facts; it merely says that God is much bigger than all of our questions, all of our doubts, and all of our tiny little theological boxes.

Like I said, we have no way of looking up Mary’s medical records, but maybe we don’t need to. Faith is enough to reassure us that Jesus is still God-with-us.

Insomnia - A Poem

2011-12-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

(Picture found at Insomnia Cures Treatment.)

When I first started seriously writing about ten or so years ago, I mainly focused on poetry. About five years later, though, I realized that I wasn't very good at poetry so I stopped. Now I have a sudden urge to try writing poetry again. Here's one I wrote a month ago called "Insomnia." Tell me what you think.

Sleep
is like
money—

I
never have
enough.

Instead of sheep
I count
possible
future disasters,
and the
tape machine
inside
my head
plays
an endless
loop of
yesterday’s
sins.

The bed
becomes
concrete
under my
crooked spine.
I rest
my head
on a rock.

There are no
ten million
fireflies
lighting up the world,
and planet Earth
does not turn
slowly.
It’s only boredom
that makes
the clock
tick
so slow.

I slip
into a
eleventh hour
dream,
wrapped
in covers
like a womb.
I swim
in the sea
of my
unconsciousness,
leaving my
clothes and will
on the shore,
heading towards
the other side.

And then the clock
rings three times.

How Anxiety Works

2011-12-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

(Image found at Farewell Anxiety)

A few months ago I wrote about what it's like to have a depression spell. Today I want to talk about what having an anxiety attack feels like.

For me, anxiety is like being in thrown into a lions’ den, like Daniel in the Bible. Even though I’m nervous at first, I quickly tell myself, “I know how this story ends. The lions won’t eat me.” The guards seal the mouth of the den shut, and the lions slowly creep towards me, licking their lips. I wait patiently as the lions get closer. They start smelling and licking me. “Okay, God,” I think, “you can come and save me now.” One of the lions gently nibbles on my arm, the way a cat does, except I can’t tap a lion on the head and say, “Bad kitty!” I slowly back away from the lions, but the move closer. I climb up a rock as they law me, scratching up my legs in the process. I pound on the rock cover the mouth of the den and scream, “For God’s sake, get me out of here! I was wrong about the whole ‘God’s going to save me’ thing, okay? Hello? Is anybody there? Get me out!”

Meanwhile the guards outside the den say to each other, “Did you hear something? No? Okay.”

I'm Sorry (Guest Post by Nicole Cottrell)

2011-12-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Nicole Cottrell is one of my favorite bloggers, and we're doing a special blog swap today. I've written a guest post for her blog, Modern Reject, and she has written one for mine. Hope you enjoy!

Dear God,

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry that I spend more time on my computer than I do talking to you.

I'm sorry that I come to you so often when I am broken, hurting, and lonely, and not before.

I'm sorry that you get my leftovers when what you deserve is my first fruits.

I'm sorry that I still doubt you even though I know you have never let me down.

I'm sorry I don't look more like your Son and instead I look so much like everyone else.

I'm sorry I still sin when I know good and well I have been freed from sin.

But, I thank you...

Thank you Lord that you still listen to me even when I complain and grumble.

Thank you that when I offer you leftovers you offer me grace and compassion.

Thank you that I could never earn your love, because I know I would fail, but instead you give it so freely.

Thank you that even when I doubt You, You never doubt me.

Thank you that your love covers a multitude of sins.

Thank you for finding me, and rescuing me, and being with me always.

Thank you that when I lay my burdens before You, I am reminded that Your burden is easy and your yoke is light.

Thank you that you are a God who allows me to come to you with each piece of broken me, each bit of tarnished girl and that You never shame me or guilt me for the choices I've made.

Thank you for your Son, who I want to be more like, and who you gave to me, for freedom's sake.

Sincerely,
Nicole

What would you apologize for? What fills your heart with gratitude?

Advent Meditation: Returning to Sister Winter

2011-11-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

“Oh my friends I've
Begun to worry right
Where I should be grateful
I should be satisfied

Oh my heart I
Would clap and dance in place
With my friends I have so
Much pleasure to embrace

But my heart is
Returned to sister winter
But my heart is
As cold as ice”--"Sister Winter" by Sufjan Stevens

Around this time every year, I feel strangely melancholy. Like Charlie Brown before me, I know I should be happy: Christmas is coming! And while I am glad I can finally listen to “A Very Special Christmas Vol. 1” over and over again, I still have this feeling of gloom.

Maybe it’s the weather. After all, it is that time again to put away the flip-flops and t-shirts, and break out the heavy coats and sweaters. Plus, the days are getting shorter, so when I get off work it looks like the middle of night outside.

But I think it’s something much deeper than that.

Call me a party pooper, but I can’t help but think about all the people out there that won’t have themselves a merry little Christmas. I think of the homeless man trying to keep warm, the little girl wondering why her poverty-stricken parents say they’re not going to have a Christmas this year, and the lonely man who is thinking about ending his own life. I also think about my own life and all of the mistakes I’ve made during the past year, and all of the unresolved issues that are waiting for me in the new year. Maybe I’m the Charlie Browniest of all the Charlie Browns in the world after all.

Or maybe it’s all just part of the Advent season.

This past Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent, the time where we prepare our hearts for the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ. As we light the wreath and sing “O Come, O Come Emmanuel,” we think about how this world, this life, isn’t how God originally intended it to be. We think about the Second Advent, when all will be made new again, by meditating on the First.

So maybe all of this melancholy is just my spirit groaning with creation to see the world restored.

I can’t help but think about The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, how it was “always winter and never Christmas” in Narnia before Aslan came. Even though it sounds like a lyric to a bad emo song, “always winter and never Christmas” is a good way to describe the state of this present world. But one day the snow will melt.

Thankful

2011-11-24T06:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hate to admit this, but I rarely think about what I'm thankful for. Most of the time I take all my blessings for granted, and complain about the blessings I don't have. But let me take this moment to count my blessings.

I am thankful . . .
. . . for my family for always sticking by me.
. . . for Amy for putting up with my crap for over six years.
. . . for having a job, which may not pay much but is more than what a lot of people have.
. . . for never knowing what it's like to go hungry, even though I never had much money growing up.
. . . for my friends for being there during my dark moments.
. . . for having the opportunity to tell me story about how God is healing my broken spirit.

Thank You, God, for Your mercy and grace.

In between all the turkey, mashed potatoes, and pies, I hope you all take a moment to count your blessings.

ATTENTION READERS: I NEED YOUR FEEDBACK

2011-11-22T12:31:00.000-08:00

I feel like God is calling me to speak at churches about mental health issues. I'm not going to speak as a professional, though; just as a regular guy with a story to tell. But I do need your help.

If you have ever struggled with depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness, please fill out my survey. Don't worry, it's COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS!

Based on your answers, I'll get an idea about what exactly I want to say.

Thank you.

"Person of Interest" Reaction Video

2011-11-19T08:15:00.000-08:00

The name pretty much says it all. Here I am watching the new Rebecca Black video, "Person of Interest." Enjoy!

When Church Becomes a Circus (Literally!)

2011-11-16T07:25:00.001-08:00

I don't chat with Chris Rosebrough (a.k.a. Pirate Christian) much anymore, but I sometimes go to one of his blogs, A Little Leaven, when I need a good laugh. He always finds the craziest videos that show just how far some evangelical megachurches will go to be "relevant" and "seeker sensitive."

About a month ago Chris posted the below video. He said it was from a church in Florida called Church By The Glades.

"Is this really a church?" I thought. "Where's the Gospel? Where's Jesus? Where's the big cross most churches hang up on the wall? Chris must have obviously got mixed up and thought that this pop band was part of a church."

Then I checked out the YouTube channel and, sure enough, it's a real church.

*record scratch*

Now I'm not one of those fuddy-duddy ridged Christians that think that the Church has to be a kept in a little bubble hidden away from the world. I think that as our culture changes, the Church needs to find a way to address the questions of society. But you don't have a discernment blogger to know that this is just ridiculous!

I don't know about you, but when I go to church, I don't really want to be entertained. I want to feel like I'm in a sacred and safe place. I want to feel like I've been given the opportunity to approach God with all of my faults and hang-ups, lay them all out for Him, and experience His divine grace. I also want to feel like I'm part of a large family of similar screw-ups and ragamuffins, all experiencing that same divine grace.

I don't work in ministry so I could be wrong, but isn't that what church is supposed to be?

So for all of you pastors out there, let me just say this: STOP TRYING TO ENTERTAIN US! If I want entertainment, I'll buy tickets to an actual circus, not a church.

The Day I Gave God Hell -- Guest Post on Joy Wilson's Blog!

2011-11-09T17:12:00.001-08:00

Last week my friend Joy Wilson wrote a guest post on this blog. Today, I got to return the favor!

My guest post, "The Day I Gave God Hell," can be found here.

Now just to warn you, there will be cursing! I chose not to censor the language to illustrate just how mad I was at God at the time. Things are cool between us now, of course.

Enjoy!

*UPDATE 11/13/11: "The Day I Gave God Hell" is now on Provoketive Magazine.

Purity Sucks!

2011-11-08T18:08:00.001-08:00

So, yeah, uh, you know that moment in high school when you lose your virginity to your first love?

That kinda never happened for me.

Also, remember in college when you go crazy and hop into a different bed every weekend?

That, too, never happened for me.

It. Just. Never. Happened.

Partly it's by circumstance, since I always had a hard time talking to girl. But it's also by choice, since I am a Christian and . . . well, you know how it is. Now I know that I'm supposed to go on about how great it is to be pure and waiting for marriage and all that, but can I be honest with you?

PURITY SUCKS!!!!!!!

When you look around and see every one else bumpin' uglies, you want to join the fun. Sure, I can always take matters into my own hands, but it's just not the same. As the old saying goes, I'm only human. It also doesn't help that the standard Evangelical response to sex is usually, "Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Okay, you're married now, so have at it . . . but not too much." So it's either one of two extremes: "Anything goes" or "Keep it in your pants at all times."

So what's a guy to do?

Maybe the first thing to do is find a middle ground between the two extreme views of sex. For starters, sex isn't something that's dirty or taboo. Sex is a beautiful gift from God that unites two spouses. It's how two spouses become "one flesh:" physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My friend Nicole Cottrell puts it this way:

"So, what does a healthy Christian sex life look like? I think it entails a few different things, but one of the biggest pieces, the part I am working on, is freedom. Sexual health in marriage requires freedom–freedom from past sin, freedom from negative connotations, freedom from shame, guilt, awkwardness, reservation, and being overly self-aware."

So while purity may suck now sometimes, I think it'll be well worth the wait. At least I hope so!

Rolling Away My Stone

2011-11-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

"Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we will find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I'm afraid of what I will discover inside

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals"--Mumford and Sons

"Roll Away Your Stone" is probably my favorite songs by Mumford and Sons. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the lyrics, which, to me, are about a man who decides to embrace life after living in darkness for years (of course I could be wrong). And in light of last week's spiritual crisis, that's where I'm at right now.

During the past week, I've learned a couple of things about myself. The first one is that I didn't lose faith in the actual God. I lost faith in the judgmental, cruel, angry god in my head that made me feel like shit 24/7. The god I used to believe always told me things like, "You're not a real man. You're just a pathetic little worm. You'd better thank your lucky stars that I haven't thrown you into Hell just yet." I'm done with that god, and all who preach him.

The second thing I realized that I've been afraid to let people in. Love, in all of it's various forms, requires vulnerability and openness. You would think that because I'm so open here on my blog that vulnerability and openness would come easily for me. Nope! In fact, I'm petrified that if I let people in and see the real me, I'll get hurt in the process. To prevent that, I've built a wall around my heart to keep all the pain out. Unfortunately, the exact opposite happened: I got hurt by my loneliness and isolation. So now I'm learning how to tear down my wall and let love in.

Right now I'm rolling away my stone.

The Medic (by Joy Wilson)

2011-10-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

As a mama bear, I will defend my cubs to the death. But not this time. My son is jointly responsible for the death of a loving relationship with his partner. Yes, it has become toxic and it seems the only chance for healing is for them to separate. But he isn’t grieving and she is, and so I fight for her – not against my son, but against hopelessness and the danger of her going under for good.

I’m grateful each of them has always trusted me enough to share their version, verdict, and individual voice of truth. They knew at the beginning this was a risky relationship. All previous couplings had been disasters, starting with “in love” and ending with blame and shame. They knew they had negligible communication skills, and were prone to jealousy and selfishness. Yet there is a deep hunger in each of us for a significant other who will forgive our sins, treat us with respect, and love us no matter what. Maybe things would be different this time. Maybe they could grow up together. Maybe didn’t happen.

There’s a romance to a rocky relationship. Drama is the antithesis of complacency, and bad can seem better than boring, especially when world-class wars are followed by laughter and fun. But for this couple, the wars were real, the laughter temporary relief until the next bomb dropped. And last night this wounded woman called from the battlefield, hemorrhaging internally, and I was the medic on hand. Who was right or wrong was irrelevant; saving a soul was.

I have refused to take sides in this conflict, preferring to listen and love. When I perceive a willingness to hear, I offer suggestions and give examples from my own life. But assigning fault isn’t my job, because fault isn’t the issue here. Truth is.

Much of what we think is true, isn’t. What we believe is based on our experience and what other people say. Even personal experiences are inaccurate perceptions of reality, filtered through feelings and viewpoint. Feelings are never right or wrong – they just are, and we have proprietary rights to our opinions. But truth? As my husband, Bud, says, “Just because I believe it doesn’t make it so.”

These young adults have frequently told me what “really” happened, hoping to convince me “I’m right, he/she’s wrong, and whatever he or she told me is wrong.” It would be so easy to quote John 8: 32: “You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” If they would only be willing to listen to each other, truth would either become evident or not as important as respecting their differences compared with being “right”.

Then as I poured out my grief to the One who loves us unconditionally, an insight came to me: “You will know the truth” wasn’t about “what”, but “who”. In John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” What this precious woman needed more than answers was The Answer, and I sang her to sleep with this song:

Joy Wilson is the author of Uncensored Prayer: The Spiritual Practice of Wrestling With God and a contributor to Not Alone (both Civitas Press, 2011). She and her husband, Bud, are two life-long hippies. They live in Bartlett, TN, with six cats, two dogs, and no TV. She is part of an eclectic group of Jesus-followers called Outlaw Preachers and has a passion for prison ministry. Also, Joy is an advocate for middle-aged and senior women, and anyone who suffers from depression. Joy’s website is joyleewilson.org and you can contact her at joyleewilson@gmail.com.

When Religion Makes You Sick

2011-10-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

“All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions make me sick
All religions make me wanna throw up
All religions suck

[. . .]

They all claim that they have 'the Answer'
When they don't even know the Question
They're just a bunch of liars
They just want your money
They just want your consciousness”--Dead Kennedys

In my bio I say that sometimes God is so real to me that I can hardly take it, and other times He doesn’t make any sense. Right now, it’s the latter.

In fact, if I can be totally honest, I sometimes wonder if a lot of my depression issues come from my faith. I know it sounds weird, but it’s true.

For example, most of my secular friends are pretty comfortable with not being perfect. For them, it’s all a part of being human. They just try to do the best they can, that’s all.

I, on the other hand, can’t help but always feel guilty about being human. For me, as a Christian, my imperfections are a sign of my horrible, wretched, and sinful nature. It’s my very nature to rebel against God. Even the good stuff I do isn’t enough to please God, because even my good deeds are filthy rags in God’s eyes. If it wasn’t for His Son dying a gruesome death instead of me I wouldn’t have any hope of avoiding the lake of fire God has prepared for me when I die.

As if trying to figure out this crazy experience called life isn’t enough pressure, try adding eternal conscious torment to the mix!

The whole concept of God’s will troubles me, too. At first glance, the idea of God’s sovereignty is a comforting thought . . . until you realize that while you’re stuffing your fat face full of pizza, there are millions of kids around the world starving to death every day. Boy, how's that for a sovereign and just Lord!

Third, why does it seem like God is pursuing some people but not others? Some of my friends have had the same struggles I do, and they came out believing in God just fine. Others have walked away from the faith entirely. Was Calvin right about the whole predestination thing? If so, what do you need to do in order for God to pursue you?

And yet I wonder if perhaps I'm not really mad at the real God, but rather the god I made up in my head. What if God really does care?

If so, I wish He would tell me, 'cause I'm tired of all these guessing games!

What do you do when God no longer makes sense?

Haters Gonna Hate! (A Response To A Critic)

2011-10-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

(Photo found at CrackBerry.com)

*UPDATE 12:45 PM: It appears as though the blog formerly known as Slouching Towards Home is no more! Either it's a swipe at Harold Camping for his latest bogus claim that the end is nigh, or our Anonymous Blogger friend chickened out.

So I was checking Google Analytics this morning when I found that I've had a number of referrals from a website called Sloucing Towards Home. So I checked it out, and I found out that it's a blog written by an anonymous conservative (gotta love those anonymous haters!), and in one blog entry he says that my depression is caused by my "liberalism."

Excerpt:

"Take Travis Mamone for example. Mr. Mamone is a religious liberal who has blogged about his struggles with depression. He affirms homosexuality and finds Marcus Borg somewhat agreeable. It never seems to occur to Travis that his liberalism could be causing or exacerbating his depression."

The anonymous blogger (AB) makes it clear in the next paragraph that s/he is not suggesting that depression is not a real medical condition, but that the "religion" of liberalism can cause great spiritual despair. And what exactly is this so-called "religion of liberalism?" Here's how AB defines it:

1) there is no God, certainly not the Christian God.

Not quite sure how AB thinks I fit into this, because if I didn't believe in Jesus I wouldn't call myself a Christian, would I?

2) because there is no God there is no given structure to reality and therefore the forms of human social relationships are infinitely flexible.

In other words, "No homo."

3) because is no God there is no given, objective morality.

No, I'm pretty sure God means it when he says, "Thou shalt not kill" or, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

4) Since there are no fixed forms for human social relationships like marriage and the family, we are free to change the definitions of those things to fit our desires.

Well, didn't a lot of the Old Testament heroes practice polygamy? (No, I am NOT pro-polygamy!)

5) Because there is no God and no transcendence, the meaning of human life must be created by each individual during the short span of his life. The only way to allow each person to create meaning for himself is by removing as many roadblocks as possible to the gratification of desires.

Once again, that's NOT what I believe!

6) Because there is no God, there is no ultimate way to discriminate between desires calling some good and some bad. Therefore, equality and tolerance are the only possible shared values.

AB makes it sound like treating the LGBTQ community like human beings is a bad thing!

5) Human reason is sufficient to guide us in our search for meaning and progress.

While I do believe that God gave us brains for a reason, there are many things that go beyond human reason, so human reason alone is insufficient.

6) The history of the world is a story of the movement from the dark days of faith to the bright days of ever-increasing knowledge and corresponding techniques by which humankind bends nature to its will.

Where have I ever suggested we bend nature to human will? On the contrary, bending nature only mucks it up!

7) The destiny of man is to create a near-perfect society here on earth in which all are equally free to gratify their every desire.

No, I don't believe that! I'm pretty sure I've said somewhere that the Kingdom of God is NOT a secular utopia created by man without any divine intervention.

While it's true that my theology does tend to be a bit progressive, and I certainly lean to the left politically, I am NOT the secular humanist that AB thinks I am.

In the immortal words of Jay-Z, "Go on, pimp, brush ya shoulders off!"

More Of A Man

2011-10-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of contemporary Christian music, but there's this song by Big Daddy Weave that I really like called, "What Life Would Be Like."

The first verse especially hits close to home:

"I wish I was more of a man.
Have you ever felt that way?
And if I had to tell you the truth
I’m afraid I’d have to say
That after all I’ve done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be."

I've noticed there's been a lot more conversations about manhood within the past couple of years. Just recently there's that new movie Courageous, which is about four policemen who learn what it means to be men. Then there's the Authentic Manhood Movement, who recently released this trailer for their video series. [It looks like your typical super-macho-Mark-Driscoll-inspired-testosterone-fueled bull crap to me.] And then there's the open letter to men Ally Spotts' fiancee wrote on her blog.

I can understand why this conversation has sprung up. Let's face it, there are way too many guys out there modeling their lives after this guy:

*shudders*

But I think something's missing from the conversation. I don't know about you, but I am unable to be a better man on my own. Now any one who knows me knows I never give myself enough credit, so that could be the case here. But over and over again I realize that on my own, I can't be the man God wants me to be. Believe me, I tried!

So does this mean I'll never be more of a man?

I sometimes think so, and when I do I get really sad. But then when I pick up my Bible, I get to thinking that maybe I'm not supposed to rely on my own strength in order to be a man. I keep coming back to Philipians 4:13--"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (NIV).

Everything?

Really?

So maybe for me, the first step in becoming more of a man is to stop trying to do it on my own, and instead let His strength help me.

What do you think? Do you find yourself unable to be more of a man without God?

Congratulations Renee and Marc!

2011-10-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

My good friend Renee Johnson is getting married today, so here's a short video wishing her and her husband Marc the best.

A Pharisee Towards Myself

2011-10-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

There’s a scene in John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress where the main character, Christian, comes to a cross. Instantly, the straps carrying the heavy burden on his back (a not-so-subtle symbol for sin) break, and the load falls off Christian’s back and lands into an open grave. It’s a beautiful picture of grace, and I wish I could say that I always approach the cross whenever I feel burdened by my sins.

But the truth is, as soon as I start feeling my burden fall from my shoulders, I immediately grab it and run away from the cross. I earned this burden, now I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life. Don’t try to stop me.

* * *

Even after following Jesus for over ten years, I still don’t understand grace. I read all the Brennan Manning books in college, and sang “Your Grace is Enough” at church so many times that I can probably sing it backwards, but I still don’t get grace. Why would a holy and righteous God want to be friends with a poor sucker like me?

Most normal people, from my own observations, give themselves enough grace to take responsibility for their mistakes, learn from them, and then move on. There are, of course, some exceptions (especially among some of my friends on Twitter). But for the most part, normal people are able to acknowledge their mistakes and then move on.

I don’t. Instead, I wear my sins on my chest like a scarlet letter, and I’m way too ashamed to ask for forgiveness. Why should I? I haven’t done anything to earn it, and even if I did I would probably screw up tomorrow and lose it all. Besides, sometimes I don’t know if “saved by grace alone” is really all it’s cracked up to be. If we’re saved only by God’s grace, why does Jesus tell us to obey His teachings so much? In the parable of the sheep and goats, the sheep didn’t enter the Kingdom of God because they said the Sinner’s Prayer—they actually did stuff, like feed the hungry and clothe the naked. And since I haven’t fed or clothed anyone lately, does this mean I’m going burn in Hell with the goats?

Or am I just being too hard on myself?

A few months ago I was on the phone with my friend Rebecca. At the time I was in a really dark place and needed some one to talk to. During out conversation, Rebecca said, “On Twitter I see you show lots of grace to people. But it sounds like you don’t show any grace to yourself. It’s like you’re Jesus to other people, but a Pharisee towards yourself.” I couldn’t have said it better.

* * *

A few weeks ago I was being a Pharisee towards myself big time. I was having problems at work, which I won’t get into, of course. But one night it finally dawned on me that I truly have a sinful nature. There is something inside of me that, despite knowing what’s right, wants to do the wrong thing anyway. Maybe the Calvinists were right along about total depravity.

The next day was Sunday, so I went to church with Amy. Still reeling from the previous night’s revelation, I wondered if I should have even been at church that day. Before the service began, I wrote in my journal, “Lord, if You want me to leave, just tell me and I will. But if not, I’ll stay and see if maybe You want to tell me something.”

The sermon that Sunday was on the name Yahweh. Literally translated, it means, “I am who I am.” As the pastor explained, this means that God was specifically revealing Himself to the Israel. Ancient Israel, at the time, wasn’t the well-developed nation that it is now; it was at the bottom of the proverbial barrel at the time socially. And yet God deliberately chose to reveal Himself to this small tribe of ragamuffins, not to a mighty empire.

At that moment, a thought occurred to me: If God deliberately chose to reveal Himself to a small race of ragamuffins instead of a mighty empire, then what makes you think He won’t take you back?

A few minutes later we took communion. As I held the bread and wine, I silently prayed. “Well, Lord,” I prayed, “I guess there is hope for a screw-up like me. Maybe I have been a Pharisee towards myself for far too long. Maybe it’s time I finally let Your grace be just that: grace. Can we wipe the slate clean, God, for old time’s sake?”

* * *

So that’s where I am right now. I’m learning how to live under God’s grace instead of my own legalism. And so far it feels a heck of a lot better than beating myself up all the time!

Occupy The Church

2011-10-13T12:26:00.001-07:00

My friend Margaret Feinberg tweeted this a week ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

Whether you agree with the Occupy Wall Street protesters or not, you have to admit that it's really inspiring so see so many Americans come together and say, "We've had enough! Things need to change now!" But I wonder how this energy and passion can be used for the Church.

Seriously, if there was an Occupy The Church movement, what would it look like?

Maybe it would be a time for all Christians to come together and rebuild the Church. It would be a moment when those who don't feel safe in the Church can finally say it out loud. We would be more honest with each other about our struggles. We would realize that doctrine and practice are the same thing, not sworn enemies. The Church would become the actual Body of Christ on earth, not just an elite club where only the well-dressed and well-behaved are allowed.

What do you think?

Travis, The Very Worst Ally

2011-10-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

(Photo found at Gay Christian Europe)

[Certain names have been changed. Also, I always welcome dialogue, but outright homophobia will not be tolerated!]

Before I started following Jesus, I thought that the Gospel was only about what you could and could not do with your genitalia. I, of course, did not grow up in the Church, so my only exposure to Christianity was the Christian book section at my local library, where I worked during high school. In the teen section, nine out of ten books were about sex—specifically why you should not do it. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in saving yourself for marriage (or at least I do now). But back then when my hormones were running wild and I was trying to find some meaning in life, the Christian teen book section taught me that in order to be saved I couldn’t do anything with my genitals.

Especially with another dude!

The only thing worse than getting in between the sheets before marriage was getting in between the sheets with some of the same gender. I never understood why, though, because from what I had read same-sex attraction was just as natural and healthy as opposite-sex attraction. That was one reason why I was so reluctant to follow Jesus for many years; I thought it was a religion for close-minded homophobes and nothing more. But then Jesus eventually caught up with me, and I had no choice but to follow Him. And once I did, I decided I would eventually figure the whole homosexuality question out eventually.

But I never did. Even when I mastered the “love the sinner, hate the sin” rhetoric down pat, I still asked myself, “What if it really isn’t a sin?”

* * *

It might strike some people as odd that a straight guy like myself would be so worked up about homosexuality and the Bible. It didn’t have anything to do with my own sexuality. There was a time when I thought I was bisexual, since nearly everyone in high school called me a “faggot” almost every day. It would definitely explain why I sucked at sports so much. But in the end, I realized that I just didn’t have the same feeling towards men that I had towards women. Sure, I think some men are handsome, but not enough that I want to be with them. Johnny Depp is a good-looking guy, but I don’t have any desire to sleep with him.

There are two reasons why I worried so much about homosexuality, and the first was my Uncle Tony. When I was a boy and my father’s side of the family had a family gathering, Uncle Tony would always be there with another man named David. David was a nice guy, but I never understand why he would be at every family function. It wasn’t until I was ten that I learned it was because David was Uncle Tony’s husband. It never bothered me, though, but when I started following Jesus I was worried that God was going to throw Uncle Tony and David into Hell just for being in a loving and committed relationship. I spent the next few years searching the Bible looking for a loophole.

And it wasn’t just Uncle Tony, either. I worried about the millions of other gay people in the world that were going to possibly burn. If you don’t choose to have same-sex attraction, then why would the Bible condemn it? Surely God in His infinite wisdom and knowledge would know that! It didn’t seem right that God wouldn’t allow a certain group of people to enter His Kingdom because of something they could not change.

But I was too afraid to ask questions then, so whenever someone would ask me what I thought about gay people, I would just say, “Let’s just love them because they need Jesus just like we do.” Which is true, but I refused to answer any questions about gay marriage.

* * *

Everything changed with a blog comment. My friend Adele had a website called Queermergent about LGBT issues and spirituality. I wrote a guest post about my Uncle Tony, but said I didn’t want to say whether or not homosexuality was a sin. A few days after the blog post went online, a man named Brad left a comment calling out my privilege.

Privilege? What is he talking about? I’m not rich. My life hasn’t been at all easy. I’ve had to work hard to get to where I am now. Who does this little prick think he is?

Being the defensive guy I am, I sent him some very nasty emails telling him how full of crap he was. He tried to calmly explain himself, but I didn’t want to listen. He was obviously a far-left liberal who blamed everything wrong with the world on straight white men. I eventually made him upset, and I felt guilty about it and apologized. But after everything calmed down, I wondered if perhaps Brad was right. Maybe it was time to not only be welcoming, but also affirming. But what about the Bible? I looked at some websites that gave me some alternative interpretations of the infamous ‘clobber passages,’ but I was still hesitant to consider myself an ally. What will my conservative evangelical friends think?

Everything changed when I first heard the name Tyler Clementi. He was a Rutgers student who jumped off a bridge when his roommates broadcasted Tyler having sex with another man all over the Internet. I was sorry to hear about it, but didn’t pay much attention at first. Then the news reported that a different gay student committed suicide, and then another, and another, and another. Suddenly it hit me: if our theology doesn’t give these kids hope, if all they have to look forward to is the lake of fire, if it doesn’t matter whether or not they believe in Jesus, then something is wrong. That would make the Gospel good news only for a select group of people, and not for the entire world. I knew then it was time to do something, even if I didn’t have all of the answers.

* * *

Now all of this just happened within a year, so that's why I call myself "The Very Worst Ally." There's still so much I have left to learn, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to screw up many times throughout this journey. But for now, here's the one thing that everyone who wants to work in solidarity with the LGBTQ community has to do:

Listen.

I mean really really listen. Listen to your LGBTQ neighbors. What are they saying? If you can do this, then I think you're on the right track.

God Hates Us All(?)

2011-10-10T15:02:00.001-07:00

*UPDATE 10/15/11: Mars Hill Church has since removed the "God Hates You," video.

Ten years ago Slayer released an album called, "God Hates Us All." I wonder if Mark Driscoll was listening to that before he preached this past Sunday. Here's a clip where Driscoll lays it all out:

For those who do not have the time to watch the video, here's the money quote:

"Some of you, God hates you. Some of you, God is sick of you. God is frustrated with you. God is wearied by you. God has suffered long enough with you. He doesn’t think you’re cute. He doesn’t think it’s funny. He doesn’t think your excuse is meritous [sic]. He doesn’t care if you compare yourself to someone worse than you, He hates them too. God hates, right now, personally, objectively hates some of you."

Now don't get me wrong. I don't believe in a wishy-washy god who doesn't take sin seriously. Like Driscoll, I don't believe that God looks down up on this fallen world and think, "Looks okay to me." The Bible is quite clear, "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). Seems like God's pretty serious about sin to me!

But here's the part the above video doesn't mention: God sent His Son Jesus to pay the wages of our sin--death--in our place. God loves us so much, He went all the way so we can be His children.

Now I'm no theologian, so maybe Tripp and Bo from Homebrewed Christianity can help me find the right words, but it's been said that Jesus, being the Word of God made flesh, is the full revelation of God. If we want to know who the Father is, we have to look to the Son. And when we read the Gospel, we learn through Jesus that God is pursuing us.

For example, there's the parable of the lost sheep. God is depicted as a shepherd who leaves his ninety-nine sheep to find that one lost sheep (Matthew 18:12-14). Then there's the parable of the prodigal son, where God is depicted as a father waiting for his wayward son to come home (Luke 15:11-32).

And then there's a little Bible verse you might have heard of that goes something like this:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)

So I'm afraid Mr. Driscoll is in error. God is holy, righteous, just . . . and He loves us.

"Not Alone" Is Availabe Now!

2011-10-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

Remember a few months ago when I first told you about the Not Alone project? Well, I'm pleased to say it is now available for purchase!

Depression has a weird way of making you feel utterly alone. In your head, you know that millions of people struggle with depression, but in your heart you feel like there's no one else in the world that knows what you're going through. That's why it is so important that a book like Not Alone exists. It's through telling our stories that we realize that there are people out there, somewhere, who understand. It's through telling our stories that we find connection and healing.

And it's an honor for me to share my story in this collection!

You can order Not Alone either on Amazon or through the publisher, Civitas Press.

Head Full Of Doubt

2011-09-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

(Picture found at Brucemctague.com)

It’s no secret that I have my doubts from time to time. Sometimes they are caused by stuff I read that challenge me theologically. Mostly, however, my doubts come from those moments in life when I’m no longer certain God cares anymore.

That’s how it was for me last week. I can’t think of one particular thing that set it off, though. It was more like a culmination of different things. Either way, I had all these thoughts and doubts and worries plaguing my mind. If God is all-loving, why does He allow the world to be so crappy? When does it get better, like the videos said it would? Maybe Rob Bell was both right and wrong: Hell is here on earth, but in the end love does not win.

And that’s when I started hearing that old sacred echo again.

It started when I was listening to Sara Groves’ All Right Here album. The first song, “Less Like Scars,” immediately stood out to me:

“And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like character.”

I thought, “That sounds like a great idea: God picking up the pieces. But does He really pick up the pieces, or do I have to pull myself up by my own bootstraps?”

Then while talking to my friend Renee about it, she sent me this passage from Scripture:

“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.” --Hosea 6:1-3, emphasis mine

“A song about God picking up the pieces,” I thought, “and then this passage about God’s healing? Is God trying to tell me something?”

Later on that day I decided to read Hebrews chapter three, which was the passage we were going to discuss Monday night at Bible study. The first verse immediately got my attention:

“Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.” (NIV, emphasis mine)

“Okay, so first there’s a song about God picking up the pieces, then a passage about how God will hear those who repent, and now the Bible’s telling me to fix my thoughts on Jesus. This is getting weird!” I figured if the Gospel text for Sunday’s sermon followed along the same lines, then God was definitely trying to tell me something.

Sure enough, my church’s bulletin said Sunday’s sermon was going to be on the parable of the two sons, which ends with this: “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.” (Matthew 21:31)

This all may seem like random chance to you, but I couldn’t help seeing a pattern:

Healing.

Repentance.

A second chance.

By the end of the night, I finally just said, “Alright, You win!”

Have you ever felt like God was trying to tell you something? Discuss in the comments below.

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 6 - Looking Back

2011-09-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

(Photo found at Dialog International.)

So here we are at the end of the First Church of the Holy Rollers story. There are still a lot of kinks that need to be worked out, but I hope you enjoyed reading it anyway.

* * *

Arlena recently called me on Skype to catch up. Out of curiosity I asked her about the Holy Roller Church. She said Pastors Dave and Jenny felt called to step down from the ministry, so they no longer preach there. She didn’t know what they’ve been up to since then, though, but she did tell me that Petey suddenly passed away a year or two ago. Everyone else, she said, was doing all right. Their church building went up seven years ago, so they no longer met at my old high school anymore.

I Googled the Holy Roller Church and found their Facebook page. The church building looks nice; it’s not exactly a megachurch, but it’s still a good-sized church. The new pastors, Darrell and Wanda, are an African-American couple that often preached in Pastor Dave’s place if he had to be out of town. They never made the church run around the room whenever they preached, so I figure they are doing a good job leading the Holy Roller Church now. The choir has grown from just four people to an actual choir, made up of mostly young African-Americans. There are a couple of videos of them singing on YouTube. They sound great, although I always preferred black gospel over ‘80s praise and worship.

Looking back, I’m not sure how I should feel about my Holy Roller Church years. Should I be bitter, or should I just accept that there was a lot of good and bad? The most I guess I can say about the Holy Roller Church is it was stepping stone in my crazy little journey through the Church.

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 5 - All Are Welcomed, Except . . .

2011-09-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

(Photo found at Ookaboo.com)

In this installment of our series, I finally decide that the Holy Roller Church isn't the place for me. Enjoy!

* * *

The third and final straw came when Eugene Robinson was about to be the first openly gay ordained bishop.

I wasn’t sure what to think about homosexuality at the time, so I was on the fence about Robinson’s ordination. The Holy Roller Church, on the other hand, made it perfectly clear that ordaining Robinson would be like ordaining Satan himself. It was during a Wednesday night Bible study when a discussion about Robinson suddenly started. Actually, it wasn’t really a discussion; it was more like a half-hour rant session with everyone chiming in on how the “tolerance of homosexuals” (they never once used the word “gay”) was a reflection of our culture’s corrupt nature. One woman, an African-American woman named Kasandra (who often did half of the talking during Wednesday night Bible study), even said that homosexuality “literally makes God throw up.” Even though I wasn’t gay-affirming at the time, I still could not remember anywhere in the Bible that explicitly said two men (or two women) gives God nausea.

I brushed off that night’s rant session thinking that next week things would go back to normal. I was wrong.

The next Wednesday the ranting began forty-five minutes into Bible study and was still going on an hour and a half later. Once again no one said the word “gay;” it was always “homosexual.” Once again, the general message of the evening was Eugene Robinson was going to singlehandedly destroy Christianity. I finally had to leave the building, mostly because it was almost 10 PM and there was no sign of stopping, but also because I felt like everyone was about to carry picket signs that say, “God hates fags.”

I may not have been gay-affirming at the time, but I already knew that something about the last couple of Wednesdays just wasn’t right. I emailed Pastor Dave about the anti-gay rants. “Will the church welcome a seeker just so happens to be gay?” I asked. “Or will we kick them out? Are we not supposed to love our gay neighbors? Doesn’t the Bible says we have all fallen short of God’s glory? I don’t remember anywhere in the Bible where it says, ‘For God so loved the world, except for those nasty homos.’”

“My dear Travis,” Pastor Dave replied, “God loves everyone, including homosexuals. He just hates their perverted acts. I would love to talk with you one-on-one about this, if you ever get a moment.” But I never did. I was done with the Holy Roller Church at that point. For the past three years I wrestled with the Holy Roller Church, wondering where a non-tongue-talking Christian with a lot of questions like me fit into the congregation, only to realize that it just wasn’t where I belonged. It was finally time for me to find Jesus someplace else, because I no longer saw Him at the Holy Roller Church.

God Is (Still) Our Refuge

2011-09-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

To commemorate the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I can't think of anything better than Psalm 46:

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 4 - Escapist Theology

2011-09-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

(Photo from World Statesmen)

Since we are approaching the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I think this is a perfect time for part 4 of my First Church of the Holy Rollers series. Enjoy!

* * *

The second red flag came up a week after September 11th.

Like most Americans during that time, I was full of fear and confusion. Why did this happen? What’s going to happen now? What are we supposed to do? I looked towards the Holy Roller Church for answers. A week after September 11th I went to Wednesday night Bible study looking for some word of comfort. I wanted to hear about how God is always faithful, even if the mountains fall into the sea. Or maybe that now is the time to be the hands and feet of Christ in this world full of hurt and pain.

Instead, the message I heard was, “Get ready for the apocalypse.”

Throughout the evening all Pastor Dave talked about was pre-tribulation rapture, seven-year tribulation, the Antichrist, and finally the destruction of heaven and earth. That was all I had to look forward to in this post-September 11th world: getting swooped up into heaven, away from the tragic material earth, while all of the poor suckers left behind burned to a crisp.

This kind of eschatology is known as “escapist theology:” the belief that planet Earth is just a fragile shell that doesn’t really matter because in the end it will all disintegrate and every soul that has ever existed will be in either Heaven or Hell for all of eternity. Even though Jesus said heaven and earth will pass away, He was actually referring heaven and earth in their current condition. The Bible says that at the end of the age the New Jerusalem will come down to earth, and heaven and earth will be one. So in other words, what happens in this world does matter.

Of course I was a young Christian then, so I didn’t know any of this at the time. However, I did know that Pastor Dave’s Bible study lesson that night was the biggest crock of fecal matter I ever heard in my life. I just couldn’t put my finger on it back then.

After that night, I was done with religion. I still believed that God existed, but I figured if the Holy Roller Church represented what Christianity is all about, then I didn’t want anything to do with it. Why can’t religion just be simple, and just be about loving people? Why do we have to be so concerned about the end of the world, something that even Jesus said He doesn’t know when it will happen? Maybe I was better off before this whole Jesus crap happened.

Slowly but surely, though, Jesus kept nudging me back to the Church. Sometimes it was a dream where I was back at the Holy Roller Church and everything was back to normal again (or at least what constituted as “normal” for that church). Sometimes it was a particular Bible verse that made me realize how much I wanted to be a part of the Kingdom of God. I wondered if maybe I was just demanding too much of the Holy Roller Church. Maybe in the Kingdom of God you have to sometimes put up with some crazy stuff from time to time.

So, after about a month and a half away from the Holy Roller Church, figuring out what I believed, I came back once again to their Wednesday night Bible study. I even stopped by on Sundays from time to time. Fortunately on those Sundays, I didn’t see anyone rolling around on the ground giggling.

No Direction Home: Thoughts On Finding A Home Church

2011-09-08T07:56:00.000-07:00

(Photo found at Your Sacred Purpose)

As you may have noticed, for the past year or so I've been thinking a lot about the Church, specifically the local, home church. I don't mean having church at your house (although I do find house churches interesting). I mean having a church to call your own, that one specific church that you can say to people, "This is where I worship."

Basically what I've been thinking is, "How do you know you've found it?"

I've been to a number of different churches throughout the years: megachurches, Presbyterian churches, Lutheran churches, the infamous First Church of the Holy Rollers, etc. I currently attend a Lutheran church that's part of the Missouri Synod. I love the church, yet I still wonder if it's really my "home" church.

My doubts mainly come from slight theological differences. The LCMS does not ordain women, and does not affirm LGBT people. That doesn't make the LCMS a bad denomination. It's just that since I disagree with the LCMS on these two issues, should I join an ELCA church instead?

And yet I've gotten really close to a lot of the people at my church. I've always felt comfortable talking to my pastor about my anxiety/depression issues. The church makes me feel like I'm in a safe and sacred place, which are two major things I look for in a church.

So now I'm tossing it over to you.

What do you look for in a home church? Do you agree with everything your church teaches? Or is a safe and sacred place your main objective?

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 3 - It Just Got (Sur)real!

2011-09-03T18:03:00.001-07:00

(Pictures from Godammit, I'm Mad!)

Well, folks, here it is--the continuing story of the First Church of the Holy Rollers. In this episode, I discover that the church isn't quite all that it's cracked up to be. Enjoy!

* * *

The first time I went to the Holy Roller Church on a Sunday was for Easter. Instead of being held in the music room, Sunday worship was held in the school’s auditorium/smaller gymnasium (my high school was more interested in sports than arts, so we never had an actual auditorium). Instead of casual clothes, everyone wore suits and dresses. The worship team was basically a woman on keyboard, a man on bass, and Pastor Jenny and Petey on vocals. They sang majestic sounding worship songs from the 1980s like “How Excellent Is Thy Name” and “El Shaddai.” I wasn’t familiar with any of the songs, since I didn’t know any worship songs at the time, so I just mouthed the words. Between the songs there was a lot more orgasmic praying, including occasional venturing off into tongues. As they praise team sang, a woman danced up and down the aisle. Her dancing was a mix of an Irish jig, a whirling dervish, and a drunk trying to pass a sobriety test. I figured that was just her way of praising God.

The sermon wasn’t too different from Pastor Dave’s Wednesday evening messages, except that he shouted a lot more. I guess since he wasn’t in such a small room he had more freedom to project his voice, even though his voice already bounced off the walls of the auditorium/small gymnasium. After the sermon we took communion, although I misheard the part where Pastor Dave said we were going to take the matzo bread and wine (it was actually grape juice) together, so the usher gave me another cup of juice so I could do it the right way. Pastor Dave led everyone into the Sinner’s Prayer (“Dear Jesus, I know I am a sinner, please come into my life . . .”) and we took the elements together.

After church let out, I felt odd. Going to church on Sunday wasn’t at all what I expected it to be. There were a lot more emotions and shouts than I expected. But I figured it was mostly because I was so used to the Wednesday night Bible study. I decided to try Sunday church again a few weeks later on my eighteenth birthday.

And that’s when I first realized something wasn’t right.

* * *

My eighteenth birthday was the day I had been waiting for all my life: the day I finally became an adult. Ever since I was a little boy, I dreamed of all the different ways I could celebrate my eighteenth birthday: getting a tattoo, going on a road trip, losing my virginity, etc. But when the day finally came, I couldn’t think of any better way to celebrate than to go to church and praise God for putting up with me for eighteen years.

Church started off that day just like it did at Easter: singing old ‘80s praise and worship songs, the occasional speaking in tongues, the orgasmic hallelujahs, etc. But once Pastor Dave jumped up on the stage—literally, I might add—he told everyone to run around in circles with him. “We’re gonna bring down the walls of Jericho today,” he shouted as he jumped down off the stage and started running around the chairs. Even though I thought the walls of Jericho already came down thousands of years ago, I got up and joined the rest of the congregation running behind Pastor Dave. Only I just walked instead of ran, since running makes me throw up.

After about five minutes of running around the folding chairs, it was obvious that no walls were going to fall down, so the praise band continued to sing. When they got to the last song printed in the service flyer, the praise band extended the song into a jam session that included three harmonica solos from Petey, and tongue-talking solos from Jenny, Petey, and Pastor Dave. Everyone in the congregation was jumping up and down, shouting “Yes, Lord!” and speaking in tongues at full volume. There was a girl in the row in front of me that was on the ground giggling.

And I was practically crapping in my pants.

The cacophony of tongues, shouts, stomps, and endless keyboard-driven praise music swirled around my head like a carousel. I no longer felt like I was in a sacred place. In fact, the entire church service felt like anarchy, and not the cool kind of anarchy, either. Whenever I felt the Spirit, I felt cool, calm, and collect. I felt like God was telling me everything was going to be okay. Maybe that wasn’t the Spirit after all, because the congregants around me were supposedly under the influence of the Spirit.

About two hours into the service, church had not let out yet, and I knew my mom was waiting outside for me in the car (I didn’t get my driver’s license until after I graduated high school about three months later). Pastor Dave was saying to an elderly widow, “This is your husband. I’m in Heaven and I miss you.” Since channeling dead people is where I draw the line, I figure it was a good time to leave. If this is God’s work, then I don’t want anything to do with it.

I refused to go back to the church. To me, it was nothing more than a cult, and I was foolish enough to get sucked in. I still believed in Jesus, but if what I saw on my birthday was what Christianity was all about, I didn’t want anything to do with it anymore.

Despite distancing myself physically from the Holy Roller Church, I couldn’t stay away from them mentally. In the weeks following my eighteenth birthday, I kept having dreams of Petey and Pastor Dave telling me about Jesus. They weren’t scary dreams, either. In fact, the dreams made me miss everyone from the Holy Roller Church. One night I called Arlena (who, by this time, was no longer my girlfriend, but we got along better as friends than as a couple) and told her about the dreams. “Well, maybe God wants you to go back to church,” she suggested. “I mean, normally they’re all pretty chill. I guess the Spirit was just moving through them that day.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said, “I’ll go there this Wednesday night, but if they go crazy again, I’m out!” So, just like I said, I went to the church’s Wednesday night Bible study, and wondered if anyone would say anything. When I walked into the music room, Pastor Dave said, “Well, hello there, stranger! Haven’t seen you in a while. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. The evening went fine. Nothing too crazy happened. Maybe one or two people spoke in tongues during the closing prayer, but I was used to that. After we finished praying, I realized that maybe I misjudged the Holy Roller Church. Maybe Arlena was right, and that what I saw on my birthday was just a one-time event. I decided to come back to Wednesday night Bible study the next week, and then maybe a Sunday or two here and there.

As I was getting ready to leave to go home, Pastor Jenny walked up to me and said, “Now what’s this I hear about you freaking out about us getting into the spirit?” I just chuckled and shrugged my shoulders.

Dropping Labels

2011-09-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy of Treehugger)

I've reached a point in my life where I'm done with labels.

For years I've tried to find the right label to describe my philosophy. The problem is once I thought I found the right label, it turned out I could never really fit into the label 100%.

I tried to be a hippie, but I don't smoke and I can't stand being smelly.

I tried to be a hipster, but I can't fit into skinny jeans.

I tried to be a libertarian, but that would mean my library would lose federal funding.

I tried to be a crunchy con, but I was more crunchy than conservative. Plus Birkenstocks tear up my flat feet.

I tried to be an emerging/emergent/postmodern/progressive/incarnational Christian, but in the end I was too focused on trying to fit into what I thought an emergent Christian should be instead of actually following Jesus.

(NOTE: I am NOT saying I no longer associate myself with the emerging church movement or progressive Christians in general. Far from it! I just dropped the label "emergent" because I was identifying myself more by a subculture of Christianity rather than Jesus Himself. Does that make sense?)

So at this point in my life I no longer consider myself an evangelical or mainline or emergent or Calvinist or incarnational or a liberal or a conservative or anything.

I am me.

Challenging The Waves (A Narrative Essay)

2011-08-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

Years ago I knew a girl named Kara who used to sit next to me at church. She had shoulder-length blonde hair, and she always wore puka shells and flip-flops, which she would slip off her feet as soon as she sat down in the pew. She was seventeen, and I was twenty-one, so needless to say nothing ever happened. But she did say something to me that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

The church I was attending at the time, a big megachurch located about 20 minutes from Brandywine, held a cookout on the Potomac River one summer day. After pigging out on hot dogs and hamburgers, I took a stroll along the store. There I saw Kara standing at the edge of the river, the waves flowing over her feet. I slipped off my sandals and stood next to her. After a few minutes of just looking out at the Potomac River, I attempted to strike up a deep and meaningful conversation.

“You know,” I said, “at times like these, I often wonder, you know, if, like, all this beauty was created by a higher force, or if, like everything just came about accidentally, you know? It’s like, I don’t know, how can we be sure?” I’m pretty sure I sounded like a complete idiot.

“I don’t worry about that stuff,” Kara responded. “I just enjoy the moment and take in all the beauty. You know? Just be here now, in the moment.”

* * *

I never was very good at the whole “be in the moment” thing. I spend most of my time thinking about the future. I always had this idea in my head that the life was going to begin sometime in the future, and when that happened everything was going to be better. When I was elementary school, I thought high school was going to be this magical time of partying like a rock star and chasing women. That didn’t happen, so I then put all my trust in my twenties. I was going to be out of high school, out of Mom’s house, and doing whatever I wanted. That, also, did not happen.

My friends tell me that when you’re in your thirties you’re much more sure about yourself, so now I’m dreaming about the day I finally turn thirty. Given my history of being disappointed, though, I probably shouldn’t put all my hope into my thirties.

If I’m not planning out the future, I’m thinking about the past. No matter what might have happened in the past, I’m always convinced that it was always a hundred times better than the crap I’m currently going through. For example, despite all the bullying and cutting, sometimes I would love to be in high school again, because back then I didn’t have to worry about bills.

But the worst habit I have is I’m trying to find some meaning in every single moment in life. Years ago I read a book called Siddhartha about an Indian man looking for peace of mind. After dabbling in asceticism, Buddhism, and fornication, he finally finds peace after hearing the sacred syllable ohm by the river. Ever since I read that, I always thought that if I listened closely enough to nature, I would literally hear God’s voice answering all my questions. Instead, all I heard were the trees rustling in the wind, squirrels scampering around on the ground, and birds chirping their little hearts out. How am I supposed to hear God speak with all this nature distracting me?

* * *

I recently read a book by Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh called Living Buddha, Living Christ. In the book, Thay (which means “teacher”) says that both Christianity and Buddhism are all about mindfulness: being fully conscious of what you’re doing and feeling at all times. “The true miracle is not walking on water or walking in air,” he most famously said, “but simply walking on this earth.”

My overly analytical mind hates this idea. What’s so miraculous about walking on the same earth that every other schmuck walks on? In fact, what’s so miraculous about everyday life in general? Nevertheless, occasionally I try to practice mindfulness just to see what this whole “be in the moment” thing is all about. I first focus on how things feel in my hands. Are they rough, smooth, wet? Do I grip things tightly or loosely? Then I take note of how my arms move. Do I move them with ease, or with a bit of an effort? I also take a moment to be aware of how the ground feels under my feet, especially when I’m not wearing shoes. Am I walking on a soft carpet, or a dusty bare floor? I’m not exactly sure how any of these counts as a ‘miracle,’ but it does get my mind off of all the questions and worries inside my head for at least two minutes.

* * *

A few weekends ago Amy and I went to Ocean City. We stood on the shore and let the waves flow over our feet. While Amy looked for seashells, I gazed out at the ocean, trying not to think of anything more than that particular moment. I took notice of how the prickly sand felt under my feet, how the water felt rising up to my shins, and how the people around us were laughing and splashing around. The sun wasn’t too hot, the water wasn’t too cold, and the beach wasn’t too crowded. Perfect.

Whenever Mom and I would stand by the shore when I was a boy, I would always challenge the waves to crash harder. “Is that all you got?” I would say. The waves would eventually get bigger and make a bigger splash and get my entire body soaked, but I didn’t care. I would just scream out at the ocean, “You can’t get me!”

That bold, challenging feeling came back as I stood on the beach. I wanted to immerse myself into the water, just enough to get wet, but not enough to be carried away, since I can’t swim worth crap. Amy and I took a few steps closer towards the ocean; the water was up to our knees now. I stared out at the ocean and said, “Give it your best shot.” A wave immediately rose and crashed against my crotch, but I just laughed and said, “Is that all you got?” While the tide was still high I dipped my entire body (well at least everything below the neck) into the water and jumped back up again. “Baby, be careful,” Amy said. “Don’t want you drowning on me.” But I just laughed and kept dipping myself into the water.

I know this sounds horribly clichéd, but I felt like I was somehow becoming one with the ocean. I wasn’t just looking at the water and admiring its beauty; I was actually immersing myself in it, and getting to know it personally. I wished I could swim so I could explore the ocean more, but for the time being submerging my body into the water was good enough.

There was one time, however, when I felt the waves pulling me in. It took me a couple of tries before I finally got back up. After that I was done with the dipping.

As Amy and I packed up our stuff on the beach, I wondered if perhaps this is one of the ways God speaks to us. I don’t mean that in a pantheistic sense; I don’t believe that all of creation literally contains God (although I haven’t ruled out the possibility that God contains all of creation, but that’s another story). But I can’t help but think of the psalm that says, “This is the day that the Lord made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” It doesn’t say that yesterday was the only day the Lord made (although I’m pretty sure He made every past day that ever existed); neither does it say that God only made some day far into the future. This is the day. The past is gone, the future isn’t here yet, and so why not focus on what God has me to do today, at this moment?

In Alcoholics Anonymous, they always say, “One day at a time.” Addiction isn’t something you can overcome overnight; even after ten years of sobriety, there’s still that little voice in your head that’s constantly whispering, “Come on, one little drink won’t hurt.” So instead of focusing on Twenty Years of Sobriety, they focus on just staying sober today. And if they mess up, there’s always tomorrow.

Maybe this is why the real miracle is walking on the earth, or perhaps even splashing in the ocean.

Something I Can Never Have

2011-08-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

For the past month my Bible study group has been studying the book of James. A few weeks ago when we went over chapter 4, the first three verses immediately jumped out at me:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

I immediately grabbed my pen and wrote this down in my journal:

"What is it that modern Christians aren't getting? Love? Agreement? Acceptance? Validation? All of the above?"

It's possible that James was only referring to the infighting within the particular church he was addressing with this letter, but I wonder if perhaps a lot of the theological smack downs I see come from Christians not getting what they want. In fact, maybe a lot of my own animosity towards the Church comes from not getting what I want.

But what is it that I want? I guess I would say I want the Church to be a safe place not just for me, but for anyone who feel like they don't fit in anywhere in this world. Unfortunately, I don't think the Church has really gotten to that place yet. When I hear what some of my friends have gone through in the Church, I just want to curse the Church and leave it altogether.

Then I go back to verse two: "You do not have because you do not ask God." It makes me wonder if maybe I've just been putting too much trust in frail, broken people.

What do you think? Do you think a lot of in-fighting in the Church comes from folks not getting what they want?

Why I Love Tyler, The Creator

2011-08-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

I never was a huge hip-hop fan. There have been a few songs that liked here and there, along with a few albums, but there hasn't been one particular hip-hop artist that had as much impact on me as Bon Iver or Nick Drake.

That all changed when I first heard Tyler, the Creator.

For the past few months I've been listening to his new album Goblin nonstop. Not only that, but I've been downloading every mix tape his posse Odd Future has ever created. If you were to follow me all day at work, you would hear me whisper the lyrics to "Yonkers" at least once or twice while I work.

And speaking of lyrics, if you've read anything about Tyler, you know that his lyrics aren't the most family friendly. Some of his favorite topics include rape, murder, sex, and suicide. He also frequently uses the b-word and the other f-word (although he claims he has nothing against gay people). So why would I listen to something like that?

Basically it's because Tyler represents the dark little voice inside my head that I often struggle with. On tracks like "Goblin," Tyler lays it all bare for the entire world: "They claim the s*** I say is just wrong/ Like nobody has those really dark thoughts when alone/ I'm just a teenager, who admits he's suicide prone." For a while I tried to pretend that those dark thoughts weren't there, but that didn't work. The thoughts only grew louder. So now when I have those thoughts, I try to express them in creative ways, like writing in a journal.

And I think a lot of great art comes from that struggle between good and evil. Helps us remember we are all messed up human beings.

Just remember Tyler's random disclaimer from "Radicals:" "Hey, don't do anything I say in this song. Okay? It's f***ing fiction. If anything happens, don't f***ing blame me, White America. F*** Bill O'Reilly."

Why I Make A Lousy Hipster

2011-08-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

Over the years I tried many different styles and subcultures: goth, hippie, punk, beatnik, emo (sad but true), and, most recently, hipster. Thanks to the hipster scene, I’m no longer the only guy on my block that likes music that you would never hear on Hott (the misspelling is deliberate) Mix 107. But after doing some observing, I’m starting to think that maybe I’m not as hip as I thought I was. And so for today, here are the reasons why I make a lousy hipster:

1. I had never heard of Odd Future until after the Washington Post wrote about them. (Wolf gang!)

2. I haven’t been able to fit into a pair of skinny jeans since I was in middle school.

3. I don’t care what anyone else thinks: I LOVE OLIVE GARDEN!

4. I just can’t get into that new Washed Out album. Although I do like the album cover.

5. Helvetica’s okay, but Times New Roman will always be my favorite font!

6. I genuinely think Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours is one of the best albums ever made, without any hint of irony.

7. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing an ironic mustache. Unless you’re either Burt Reynolds or David Crosby, mustaches are just cheesy looking.

8. Same thing applies to a trucker hat. Unless you actually are a trucker.

9. I have plenty of vinyl records, but not a vinyl record player.

10. That last Radiohead album was a major let down.

Open Question: Activist Consumerism

2011-08-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

The above image is mostly meant to be humorous, but it does bring up a good question: How do we reconcile our culture's consumerism with our faith's call to justice? How do we know that our money isn't going into the wrong hands?

This is something I'm still learning, so I'm going to open up this question to you. I'm eager to hear your answers.

Thanks!

My So-Called Dating Life

2011-08-04T07:41:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Nicole at Modern Reject wrote about whether or not Christians should date. It’s a question that’s been around ever since Joshua Harris kissed dating goodbye. Personally, I never understood the controversy, because even before I started following Jesus I thought that the whole point of dating was to eventually find some one you want to be in a relationship with.

Which might explain why I never did much dating before I met Amy. Not because I didn’t want to date, but because no one wanted to date me!

In both high school and college, my love life would usually go something like this: after about three months of hopelessly pining for a girl that was way out of my league, and several awkward attempts to strike up a conversation (“So, uh, you like Slipknot? They’re, like, really cool and stuff. Okay, bye.”), I would finally work up enough courage to ask her out on a date. And the answer was always either one of two responses:

1. “I’d like to, but I’m really busy right now.”
2. “I’m flattered, but I’m already seeing some one.”

Every. Single. Time.

Okay, maybe not every single time. There was one time in college when I got a girl to eat lunch with me. Her name was Sandy (not really, but we’ll call her that for now), and she occasionally came to Campus Crusade for Christ (or as they now call themselves, “Cru,” which sounds like a bad hip-hop group). I asked her out to lunch one day, and at first she was hesitant, but then later on that day emailed me and said she was game. Unfortunately neither one of us felt anything during our lunch, so nothing happened.

In high school I did eventually get a girlfriend named Arlena, but we never really “dated.” Basically we would just cuddle and play kissy-face before class for about six months and then we broke up.

It wasn’t until I met Amy that I really started dating-dating. I was pretty far from thinking about marrying anyone at the time, but when we set up our first date, I thought to myself, “Let’s see how this goes. If I get a good vibe from her, we’ll see each other again.” After the second date, I thought, “Okay, things are still good. Should we make it official? Nah, let’s try one more date.” Finally on our fourth date (I’m such a procrastinator!), we sealed the deal.

No, not like that! We just kissed and decided to become a couple. Get your mind out of the gutter!

So that’s basically my history with dating, or lack thereof. If you’re reading this and wondering how I now personally feel about dating, I’m afraid I don’t have many answers. I can’t say either way what you should or should not do, except the standard “Flee from fornication” thing that you can read in any Christian teen dating book. So instead of me telling you what to do, I’m going to ask you:

What do you think about Christians and dating? For it? Against it? Don’t really see what it’s such an issue?

Desert Island Records

2011-07-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I am a huge music buff. I don't care if it's alternative, rock, rap, folk, techno, or whatever--if I feel it, I feel it. So for fun I decided to make a list of my "desert island" picks. These are the albums that have in some way, shape, or form completely changed my life.

1. Nick Drake - Pink Moon. Probably the most painfully naked and most beautiful album ever made. Too bad it's only 28 minutes long.

2. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago. Another album whose beauty comes from its emotional vulnerability.

3. Todd Rundgren - A Wizard, a True Star. Most people would pick Something/Anything? as Todd's best album, but there's just something about A Wizard that makes me feel like I'm on a journey every time I listen to it.

4. Sufjan Stevens - Seven Swans. Best gospel album ever, even if it's not technically "gospel music."

5. Nico - Chelsea Girl. Sadly Nico never got the recognition she deserved until after The Royal Tenenbaums came out.

6. Tyler, the Creator - Goblin. Despite its flaws (lyric subject matter, the occasional less-than-stellar flow, etc.) there's just something about this album that appeals to my inner goblin.

7. Big Star - Radio City. I never understood why this album wasn't a big commercial hit, because every song on this album is a power-pop masterpiece!

(I'm pretty sure I'm missing some others, but these are the few that pop out in my head right now.)

What are your desert island picks?

Hearing the Sacred Echo Part 2

2011-07-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I wrote a blog post about what Margaret Feinberg would call hearing the sacred echo. It's one of those moments when a certain Bible passage or a certain idea keeps popping up in your life, and you wonder if perhaps God is trying to tell you something. I think I'm having one of those sacred echo moments now.

Things have been weird for me mentally for the past couple of weeks. Time and time again my dark side comes around to bite me in the behind. It makes me wonder, "Isn't God supposed to heal my heart? Isn't the old me supposed to be dead? Then why do I still wrestle with all this anger and darkness in my heart? When is the whole 'restoreth my soul' thing going to kick in?" I feel like Jacob wrestling with the angel in the desert.

I feel like God is keeping quiet, but maybe He's actually trying to tell me something. For starters, my church is doing a summer sermons series on happiness. Don't worry, it's not the cheesy self-help-Joel-Osteen-pop-psychology crap. According to my pastor, the Bible says true happiness comes from focusing your thoughts on Jesus, regularly reading the Bible, and being in community . . . and I suck at all three!

Then this past Sunday I was at Amy's church and the pastor preached about being physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy, and how all three are connected. Again, something I totally suck at!

And then, yesterday I was reading my friend Renee's book Faithbook of Jesus when I came across a devotion based on Hebrews 12:1--"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Throw off everything that hinders.

Maybe I'm reading into things too much, but I wonder if God, in His often subtle way, is trying to tell me something.

What do you think?

Todd Friel Loves Voldemort!

2011-07-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

So apparently, in 2011, there are still fundamentalists who think Harry Potter is gonna corrupt your kids. Didn't we already settle this about ten years ago?

Apparently Todd Friel at Wretched Radio didn't get that memo. On a recent episode Mr. Friel got into a tizzy about how Harry Potter is Satanic and J.K. Rowling's theology is wretched, etc. Friel even said, and I'm not making this up, that just because the KKK recently protested the Westboro Baptist Church doesn't mean you should the KKK.

Wow, comparing Harry Potter to the KKK!

Well, now that I think about it, they are both called "wizards." But I digress.

Apparently Mr. Friel hasn't figured out that the Harry Potter series is categorized as FANTASY. In other words, NONE OF IT IS REAL! As an ex-Wiccan, I can assure you that there is absolutely NOTHING in the Harry Potter series that even remotely resembles Wicca. There are no goddesses, no magic circle casting, no "Blessed be and merry meet," no "So mote it be," etc. If there was, I would have at least told you all to be discerning when reading the books.

AND HERE'S THE PART WHERE I SPOIL THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE, SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, OR HAVEN'T READ THE BOOKS, PLEASE SKIP OVER THIS PART!!!

The funny part about the whole controversy is that the last Harry Potter movie has a very strong allusion to the Gospel. In Deathly Hallows, Harry and his friends are looking for horcruxes, which are little trinkets that contain pieces of Voldemort's soul. Once the horcruxes are destroyed, Voldemort becomes weak and vulnerable to defeat. Well, Harry finds that that he, himself, is a horcrux; there has been a piece of Voldemort's soul inside of Harry all this time. And so, Harry has no choice but to submit to Voldemort and be killed. (Of course Harry doesn't stay dead, and Voldemort is defeated during the final battle, and all that good stuff.)

Now let's think about that for a minute. The hero willfully submits himself to the evil forces in order to defeat the evil forces. Now what does that remind you of? Oh yeah, the cross! Now I'm not saying Harry is a direct symbol of Jesus (Jesus knew no sin, while Harry makes many mistakes in his journey), but how is Harry's death and resurrection that different from Aslan's?

OKAY, THE SPOILER IS OVER. PLEASE CONTINUE READING.

I know Friel is just another opinionated loudmouth with a microphone, and he doesn't have as large of an audience as Mark Driscoll (at least I hope he doesn't!), so I shouldn't worry about him. And maybe I'm being way too snarky with this blog post, especially by saying he "loves Voldemort." I just get frustrated when preachers and Christian radio personalities spend so much time nitpicking over tiny little things like Harry Potter, instead of serious problems like poverty and child trafficking.

Besides, who the heck would ever want to call their media empire Wretched? Aren't you basically already telling people that your show sucks?

Ten Nice Things To Say About Discernment Ministries

2011-07-20T14:14:00.000-07:00

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m currently having a bout of blogging constipation. After last week’s drama surrounding both Outlaw Preachers and Mark Driscoll, this week has been pretty boring by comparison. So I asked my Twitter followers what I should write about.

My Something Beautiful cohort Jonathan said I should write ten things I love about discernment ministries.

Now if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know that I am no fan of discernment bloggers! It’s not that I don’t believe we, as Christians, should be discerning. Far from it! Discernment bloggers, on the other hand, have this weird tendency to find fault with every single preacher/teacher/theologian of the past century. Not only that, but discernment bloggers tend to overdo it with the rhetoric. Sure, The Purpose Driven Life was kinda hokey, but from what I can tell Rick Warren ain’t the Antichrist.

Nevertheless, I accept Jonathan’s challenge, and will try to find ten nice things to say about discernment ministries.

1. They’re passionate about their beliefs.
2. They really take false teachings seriously.
3. Chris Rosebrough (a.k.a. Pirate Christian) did agree to sit down with me for an interview.
4. They can be pretty funny sometimes. Not always intentionally, though.
5. If they write about you, you are officially a Somebody on the Internet!
6. They’ve taught me what NOT to do.
7. They encourage me to read my Bible more. Mostly to see if anything has been quoted out of context, of course, but still.
8. I always have the option of not looking at their websites.
9. Technically they are part of this oddball family known as the Church, just like I am.
10. They don’t represent all of Christianity.

Whew! Glad that’s over with.

Mark Driscoll, Angry Emails, and Masculinity

2011-07-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

You've heard of the face that launched a thousand ships, right? Well, consider the image above the Facebook status that launched a thousand angry blog posts and letters.

If you're not familiar with Mark Driscoll, he has this weird way of making biblical manhood sound like you have to be a super-buff-Chuck-Norris-bad-ass-beer-guzzling-cage-fighting-macho-man in order to be a "real man." And as I mentioned a few months ago, from what I understand of the Bible, manhood is defined more by responsibility and humility that testosterone. So when Driscoll asked the above question on his Facebook wall, it made him sound like one of the macho jocks that used to call me 'faggot' in high school.

Turns out I wasn't the only one who got that same vibe. My friend Rachel Held Evans sent a call out to all of her readers to contact Mars Hill Church and call Driscoll out on his rhetoric. And the result was HUGE! Driscoll's name might not have reached Twitter's trending topics, like Rob Bell back in March, but Evans' blog spread like proverbial wildfire throughout Twitter and Facebook. Heck, even Brian McLaren mentioned it in a Washington Post op-ed!

Today Driscoll finally addressed the controversy on his Resurgence blog. In it, he writes that gender identity is a complex issue, one that perhaps shouldn't be brought up in flippant Facebook statuses. Driscoll writes that the elders of Mars Hill sat him down, told him he should "do better by hitting real issues with real content in a real context." Which is true; in this day and age anyone with a modem can be an instant pundit (and I'm just as guilty of this as the next guy). So in the future, Driscoll will set up a special blog where he will discuss issues like gender roles "in a fuller context."

I'm glad that Driscoll is humble enough to admit that he misspoke. However, there's one thing that he hasn't made clear: do you need to be super-macho in order to be a real man? Does he feel that the Bible says masculinity is defined by responsibility, testosterone, or both? I guess we'll find that out once the new website launches.

Those Pesky Broods of Vipers

2011-07-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

photo © 2006 Michael Lehenbauer | more info (via: Wylio)
The other day on the Outlaw Preachers' Facebook page, there was a huge discussion about a certain someone on Twitter who uses the #outlawpreachers hash tag, but whose words do not represent the Outlaw Preachers at all. Some said, "We can't cut off people we just don't agree with." Others replied, "But this man's words are hurtful."

Last night as before bed I suddenly remembered Matthew chapter 23, which records Jesus' "seven woes" against the Pharisees. I got out my Bible, read the chapter, and noticed three things in particular:

1. Jesus was not afraid to call people out. I think all of us love to remember Jesus for extending His hand to the ragamuffins, but we often forget that sometimes Jesus had some pretty harsh words . . . especially for the religious establishment of His time!

2. The Pharisees had orthodoxy, but lacked orthopraxy. Jesus tells His disciples that what the Pharisees were teaching were true to the Law of Moses, but they didn't practiced what they preached. Instead, they were too busy with being seen as good people, rather than serving God and their neighbors.

3. Jesus calls the Pharisees a "brood of vipers." Now here's the tricky part, because we're taught that name-calling is wrong and is never a good way to talk to people. Yet here is Jesus, calling the Pharisees snakes?

Now, what does all of this mean for us? Well, I don't have all the answers, but from reading the passages I would like to suggest a few things:

1. When we meet some one whose teachings/words are harmful, or some one who isn't practicing what they preach, we should call them out. Out of love, of course, but still say what they are doing/saying is wrong.

2. I'm not sure of the original context of the "brood of vipers" comment, but I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't want us to call some one a "f***ing a**hole." (That includes me and my potty mouth!)

Fourth of July Fireworks!

2011-07-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 2 - Strange Tongues

2011-07-04T18:25:00.001-07:00

photo © 2010 Andy Coan | more info (via: Wylio)

So here's part two of my First Church of the Holy Rollers blog series. In this section, I learn how to speak Christianese, and then have my first encounter with speaking in tongues.

* * *

During those early months, the Holy Roller Church taught me everything I needed to know about speaking Christianese. For those who don’t know, Christianese is the special language that evangelical Christians speak to each other in to make everything in life sound so much more spiritual. For example, when someone says, “How are you?” you’re supposed to respond with, “Blessed!” You can’t say, “Oh, I’m doing alright” or else you’ll give people the impression that your cup’s not overflowing with God’s incredible blessings.

Another key word is “sow.” The Bible was written for an agrarian society, so farming metaphors are used a lot. Unfortunately most of us live in the suburbs, so it’s kind of funny to use the sowing metaphor constantly. But this didn’t stop the Holy Roller Church. No matter what you did in life, you were sowing some sort of seed that God was going to make grow. This was especially true with money. In fact, the Holy Roller Church was raising money to build a real church a few miles away, so they were always asking for tithes and the occasional “love offering.” Whenever they needed some extra cash, Pastor Dave would say, “Remember, ‘God shall not be mocked, for whatever a man shall reap he shall sow.’ In fact, once we get our building up I think we’re going to just have a big sign outside our door that says, ‘God shall not be mocked.’”

Years later I looked up the passage Pastor Dave was talking about. It didn’t mention anything about money.

* * *

The first time I heard anyone at the Holy Roller Church speak in tongues, I thought they were speaking Latin.

It happened one night during Wednesday night Bible study. Pastor Dave was out of town, so his wife Pastor Jenny led the night’s lesson in his place. She was the epitome of a Pentecostal wife: hair that was held together with half a can of hairspray, a woman’s suit jacket no matter how hot it was outside, and a voice that sounded like she was about to burst into tears at any moment.

And I guess there was something about that almost-in-tears voice that stirred up the Holy Spirit that night. When we started praying I heard Robert speak in another language. I figured maybe he used to be a Catholic and remembered some of those old Latin prayers. Then I heard Petey speak in the same language, then some one else, and finally Pastor Jenny. Do all of these people know Latin? Then I remembered something Pastor Dave said a few weeks ago about speaking in tongues, that it was supposedly the Holy Spirit speaking through you. Oh, so this is what speaking in tongues is all about. For a moment I was worried that I was going to start speaking in tongues, but even as everyone else was having orgasmic prayers I said nothing.

I could never get into the orgasmic praying and the tongue talking. When I felt the Holy Spirit, I never felt “on fire” like some of the others. Instead I felt this great sense of peace, like a cool breeze just brushed my face. Everything was okay, despite how messed up my circumstances were at the time. That’s how I knew it was God; it was the peace I wanted more than anything else in the world.

Of course, being the only non-tongue-talker at the Holy Roller Church, I felt out of place sometimes. To make sure I didn’t stand out to much, I sometimes blurted out “be-bop-a-lu-la” when everyone else was speaking in tongues.

First Church of the Holy Rollers: Part 1 - The First Night

2011-06-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

photo © 2008 David Ingham | more info (via: Wylio)

If you're wondering why I haven't been updating my blog as much as I used to during the past month, there are two reasons. The first is I've been taking online courses through UMUC, so I don't have as much time to write as I used to. The second reason is when I do have time to write, I've been focusing on narrative essays instead of blog posts. Occasionally I'll write an essay that I think will fit this blog (i.e. short), but for the most part I've just kept them on my thumb drive.

I am, however, working on a very interesting essay about the first church I ever attended, which I refer to as the First Church of the Holy Rollers. It was a nondenominational charismatic church--in other words, it was Pentecostal in every way except the name. Since it's a pretty long piece, I'll post it on here in excerpts.

Here's the first part, where I talk about the first night I went to the church. Certain names have been changed, and when necessary I slightly altered events to make the narrative run smoother. Other than that, this is a true story to the best of my memory.

* * *

Before I started following Jesus, everything I knew about Christianity came from the movie The Apostle. Even though I thought the movie was great, the image of Robert Duvall running around a church podium screaming about Holy Ghost power only solidified my then-hatred of anything that had to do with religion. It also didn’t help that Duvall’s character beat his wife’s lover to death with a baseball bat.

And then when I was seventeen, a funny thing happened: I became a Christian. My high-school sweetie Arlena was the one who led me to Christ, so I trusted her to teach me about church, too. She went to a non-denominational charismatic church. I didn’t know what that meant, but I figured if Arlena went there it couldn’t have been that bad. Although I did ask her, “Is it anything like The Apostle?”

“Not really,” she replied, “although they do sometimes speak in tongues.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when you speak in another language.”

“You mean like when a Catholic priest speaks in Latin?”

“Uh, kinda. I wouldn’t worry about it, though.”

* * *

The first time we went to church together was during a Wednesday night Bible study. The congregation met in a classroom of my high school, so it was weird to worship God in the same place the jocks would beat me up. Arlena was running late, so I stood by the school’s back entrance waiting for her. I watched all the congregants come in and smile at me as they walked past. When the pastor, Pastor Dave, arrived, all of the congregants followed behind him like sheep following a shepherd. (I know that pastors are supposed to be shepherds, but I always thought it was just a metaphor.) Pastor Dave seemed like a laid-back, friendly guy. He wore a polo shirt, black slacks, and loafers. He gave me a salute as he walked past me. Meanwhile all of the congregants following behind him couldn’t keep their eyes off of him.

Arlena finally arrived shortly after Pastor Dave and we went into the music room, which was where they held the Bible study. But that first Bible study went well. I forgot what the pastor spoke about, but I remember feeling inspired, uplifted, and all those other Christian clichés. Things got a little weird, though, when we prayed. As the pastor asked for healing for various church members and their families, the congregation repeatedly said, “Yeeessss, Lord. Thaaaaaank You, Jesus. Ooooooh hallelujah.” I wasn’t sure if they were praying or about to have an orgasm. But after we finished praying, nobody was smoking a cigarette, so I just assumed that’s how you prayed.

Other than the orgasmic praying, I decided to keep going to that church’s Wednesday night Bible study. Every week I learned about how I didn’t have to roll around in my own self-loathing, like I had been for the past seventeen years. Plus, the people there were nice. One guy who immediately latched onto me was John. When he found out I was Italian, he started calling me “Noodle Head” as a cute pet name. But since he was Italian, too, he didn’t mind me calling him Noodle Head back. I guess it’s better than “dago.” His wife always cried during prayer requests, but John always kept it together. He was a nice guy, except that he always gave me sermons after the Bible study let out.

“So what’s new with you?” he would ask.

“Oh nothing much,” I’d reply. “Just working, y’know.”

“Well the Bible tells us that we’re not working for man. We’re really working for God. Of course nobody really acts like they’re working for God.”

“Right.”

“People think they can just get away with anything, but that’s not what the Bible says. It says whatever’s in the dark will be brought to light. People don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.”

“I see. Listen, I got to go now . . .”

“’Cause, y’see, the Bible tells us that God is the king of heaven and earth and everything in between, so there’s nothing we can do that won’t go unnoticed. Hey, where are you going?”

For some reason charismatic Christians are really good at giving sermons after the pastor just finished giving a sermon. After Pastor Dave finished give the night’s lesson, he opened up the floor to whoever wanted to make a comment or offer a prayer request. There were usually three or four people on average who had to share how God told them to approach a total stranger at 7-Eleven and tell them about Jesus. It was always the same three or four people, too: an older woman named Delores who always had a smile on her face; Robert, a hitchhiker with a mullet; and Petey, a former heroin addict whose personality was just as larger-than-life as his belly. When they all gave their week’s testimonies, they always said that it was the Lord who was speaking through them. At the time I thought that my heart must have had a bad reception, but eventually I would learn how to witness like these folks.

(To be continued)

Not Being a Fan of the Fans

2011-06-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

photo © 2008 hyoin min | more info (via: Wylio)
This may come as a surprise to some of you, since I mostly talk about indie folk, but I'm actually a huge reggae fan. And not just the popular stuff like Bob Marley and Peter Tosh, either; I'm talking about Desmond Dekker, Toots and the Maytals, Jimmy Cliff, Sister Nancy, etc. Most people associate reggae with either the beach or smoking weed, or maybe both. But if you listen to the lyrics, there's this overwhelmingly prophetic message about justice, human rights, unity, and spiritual warfare.

Unfortunately whenever I get to talking about reggae music, most people only want to talk about pot.

ME: "I'm telling you, listen to these lyrics. 'Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights.' That's some powerful stuff, man!"

THEM: "Man, Bob Marley was totally baked!"

ME: "But even herb is sacred to the Rastafarian faith. They believe smoking herb draws them closer to God and helps them meditate. They don't smoke just to get 'baked.'"

THEM: "I want to sign up for that church so I can toke up, bro!"

I mention this because sometimes I feel the same way when talking to my brothers and sisters in Christ. I try my best to point out stuff in the Bible that they might not have considered before, but it often falls on deaf ears.

ME: "Look, it says right here in the Bible, 'Be openhanded towards the poor and needy in your land,' so why aren't we doing more for the poor?"

THEM: "What are you, some kind of Marxist?"

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all Christians are like that. Far from it! I've had several great conversations with both my progressive and evangelical friends. But it seems like every time I think the Church is finally getting it, I come across some that still don't get it. It used to make me really angry, and I have learned to manage it.

But sometimes my patience does wear thin.

So I want to ask you, what do you do when you come across a brother or sister in Christ that doesn't quite get it?

Becoming the Bully

2011-06-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

photo © 2008 Pimkie | more info (via: Wylio)
(DISCLAIMER: Names have been changed, and situations have been slightly altered. Other than that, this is a true story.)

Some people say if you’ve been abused as a child, there’s a good chance you’ll abuse people when you grow up. I don’t know how true that is if you’ve been bullied, but I think it’s possible. It happened to me when I tried to be an Internet troll.

Back when I first started seriously blogging (meaning writing stuff to actually be taken seriously, instead of an angst-ridden Livejournal), I came across an online community called Twenty-Something Bloggers that was open to any blogger in their twenties. I joined, hoping it would help give my tiny little corner of the blogosphere some exposure. Even though I never became the hot blogger I dreamed of becoming, I did meet a lot of funny, deep, and friendly bloggers. And to be fair, through Twenty-Something Bloggers, I did have up to forty RSS subscribers at one point.

After a while, though, I noticed that nearly all of the most popular blogs in the Twenty-Something Bloggers network were actually pretty crappy. They were all about drinking, sleeping around, pedicures, drinking, manicures, dreams of stardom, and even more drinking. Here I was, writing about faith, justice, and the meaning of life, and trying to find my voice. Turns out all I had to do was write, “Whoo-hoo, I got so drunk last night I screwed a homeless person!” and I would have a hit blog. About a year after I joined the Twenty-Something Bloggers network, I left. Other than the few friends I managed to make, I didn’t want anything to do with Twenty-Something Bloggers anymore.

You would think that this would be the end of that. You would think that after this, I moved on, found my voice, gained a following, and never looked back. But if you’ve known me for a while, you know that I have a hard time letting go of stuff. And Twenty-Something Bloggers was no different.

One night I decided to long on to one particular blog. The author, Meghan, usually wrote about drunken escapades mixed in with the kind of spiritual jargon that you would hear on Oprah. It doesn’t sound like much of a blog, yet somehow she manages to rake in hundreds of readers every day. For me, she represented everything I hated about the Twenty-Something Bloggers network: an exhibitionist, a lush, and a bad writer.

I decided it was finally time to see what it was like to be a troll.

I left an anonymous comment that read, “You’re the blogging equivalent of Ke$ha: over-hyped, lacking substance, and a hopeless drunk.” To make sure she couldn’t tell I wrote it, I used an old email address I hardly used anymore. Sweet revenge! She’ll read that, and her feelings will be hurt. That’ll show her!

The next morning I checked my old email address, the one I used for the anonymous comment, to see if she had replied. Sure enough, there it was in my inbox.

“Thanks for your comment, Travis.”

Crap! Apparently there are things called ‘ISP numbers’ that can track you down.

She wrote about the comment on her blog, but fortunately she didn’t mention my name. Her readers left comments calling me an a**hole, and rightly so. And yet I didn’t feel guilty. I knew I was supposed to feel guilty, especially after being found out, but I only felt guilty about being caught.

Eventually, though, my conscience tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Psst, hey, Travis, you might want to apologize to Meghan. I mean, you’re a Christian, right? And do you think Jesus would leave nasty anonymous comments on people’s blogs? I don’t think so.” I swallowed my pride (which was big enough to make me choke) and wrote Meghan an email apologizing for my comment. “I was being an a**hole and a hypocrite,” I wrote, “plain and simple. Please forgive me.”

A few hours later, she wrote me back. “No problem dude,” she wrote, “it’s all good. But I do want to ask you something: why did you feel the need to attack me? I appreciate the apology, but did I do something that made you angry?”

“Basically I can be really judgmental sometimes,” I wrote back. “You wouldn’t think so since I’m always writing about how we should all hold hands and sing ‘Kumbaya.’ But the truth is sometimes I get really jealous of people, so I feel the need to cut people down in order to build myself up.”

“I understand, but what am I doing that’s taking away from you? Nothing! I simply live without any apologies, and I write about it in order to build people up. That’s all.”

I can’t speak for bullies (and frankly don’t want to), but I wonder if maybe I somehow briefly stepped into the mind of a bully. Maybe the whole point of being a bully is that you feel like you are such a piece of crap that you have to make other people feel like even bigger pieces of crap in order for you to feel better. If so, I kind of feel sorry for the kids who picked on me in high school.

Take It, Clarence!

2011-06-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

I once heard Clarence Clemons say in an interview that if he wasn't a musician, he would be preacher. Then after thinking about it, he said that he was already sort of doing that with his music.

Here's Bruce Springsteen, Clarence, and the rest of the E Street Band performing "Jungleland" live.

Rest in peace, Big Man.

Love Wins (No, Really, It Does)

2011-06-13T09:40:00.001-07:00

Alright folks, here it is. After months of reading the tweets, listening to the podcasts, and sorting through the reviews, I finally read Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins, for myself. And here's what I think . . .

*drum roll*

It ain't that bad.

I don't think Bell is a "univeralist," although there are a few passages that suggest it. But that's mostly what the book is: suggestion. Love Wins is a book that asks, "What if?" The only thing the book says is for sure is that Jesus is making all things new.

Instead of focusing on the afterlife, Bell focuses on the heavens and hells we create for ourselves here on earth. Heaven, according to Bell, is when we accept God's gift of salvation and work for the Kingdom of God. It's when we die to ourselves through the cross, and our souls are reborn through the resurrection. Hell, on the other hand, is when we reject God's Kingdom and do things our way. It's when we say, "No thanks, God, I don't want your Kingdom. I don't want reconciliation with either You or my neighbors. I want this world of rape, murder, genocide, war, pollution, greed, cruelty, and pain."

Most of the controversy comes from the stuff about the afterlife, particularly Hell. For those who want Bell to spell out what exactly happens to a soul after death--and where exactly a soul goes--I'm afraid you're gonna be really disappointed. It's all "what if" and "it's possible that." For example, Bell says that it is possible that after death a soul can choose whether or not to accept God's grace. I personally do not find any evidence of this in the Bible, but I could be wrong since C.S. Lewis suggested the same thing years ago in The Great Divorce.

(Personally, if you really want a good book that explores similar questions about Heaven and Hell, I suggest N.T. Wright's Surprised By Hope.)

If you want more answers that questions, chances are you probably won't like Love Wins. But if you're the type who is more interested in the questions than the answers, then I think you'll like this book. Either way, Love Wins is a thought-provoking book that will no doubt spark many conversations (and it already has).

How To Be The Church (You Tell Me!)

2011-06-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Philippe Du Berger | more info (via: Wylio)
A few months ago Brett McCracken wrote an article for Relevant Magazine asking why so many young evangelicals are leaving the Church. Throughout the article (which he wrote in between his numerous blog posts drooling over Terrence Malick movies), McCracken basically suggests it's all because of our generation's rampant individualism. While there might be some truth to that, here's the reason why I think so many young people are leaving the Church:

We do a really crappy job of being the Church.

Let me give you an example. McCracken's right when he says there are a lot of young evangelicals who have a "me first" mentality, but that's only half of it. In my own experience I've seen whole families that treat the Church like it's only something you do for an hour every Sunday and that's it. They get into their nice little polo shirts and khaki pants (or if you're a girl, a blouse with open-toe shoes), sit in the pew, sing the songs, listen to the sermon, take communion, and then when it's over they go straight home where they eat their Sunday meal and then watch football (because nothing says "keeping the sabbath holy" like watching men grope and pulverize each other). Then it's the same thing next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, etc.

The problem is Church is more than just a Sunday ritual. In fact, if I'm reading my Bible right, it's not something you do . . . it's something you are.

It's the Body of Christ (Romans 12:5).

It's being Jesus' ambassadors to a dying world (2 Corinthians 5:20).

It's about living in community and having all thing in common (Acts 2:44).

And yes, I do a crappy job of being the Church just as much as the next Christian.

So I want to ask you, my dear readers, how you and your local faith community try to be the Church. I want to know how you try to live like an actual family rather than a bunch of individuals who only see each other once a week. I can't wait to hear your answers.

The Gospel As A Mirror And A Hand

2011-06-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Andrew | more info (via: Wylio)(DISCLAIMER: Some of my friends are Wiccan, so this is NOT a scathing attack on Wicca. This is just my story.)

When I was seventeen, I tried to find God my way. I was jaded enough to know that Christianity was a load of crap, but not jaded enough to believe that there was no higher being. After some research, I found a path that I thought best suited me: Wicca.

It all made sense at the time: the Divine being both male and female, no devil, no Hell, and the only rule was, "If harms none, do what you will." I dove headfirst into the world of Wicca. I read every book I could get my hands on. I drew pentagrams and goddess symbols all over my notebooks in school. I said the prayers and did the rituals. And yet, something just wasn't right. Looking back, I realize now it was because of two things:

1. I only wanted to be cool.
2. Wicca never explained why I struggled so much with the violence inside my heart.

One of the books I read said that thoughts were things, so thinking about bad stuff was just as bad as actually doing bad stuff. And in Wicca, everything you do, both good and bad, comes back to you three times. So in my understanding, every time I thought about kicking some one's ass, the God and Goddess were going to kick my ass three times. Once is enough, I think! Plus, none of the books told me what to do about the violence within my heart. All they talked about what lighting candles, doing rituals outside naked, and saying "So mote it be" instead of "amen."

It wasn't until I heard the Gospel that it all made sense. It told me why I had violence in my heart, and what I could do about it.

I like to think that the Gospel is like a mirror: it shows us what we really are. The Gospel tells me, "Yes, you do have violence in your heart. And adultery. And pride." As Rich Mullins once said, "We were given the Scriptures to humble us into realizing that God is right, and the rest of us are just guessing."

However, the Gospel is also like an extended hand, because it says that Jesus took care of the dirty work. Because all that violence, adultery, and pride is so deeply imbedded into my heart, there's nothing I can do to fix it. Believe me, I tried! But here's the good part: Jesus died to set me free from the evil in my heart. Sure, it's still there, but it no longer enslaves me. Through Jesus' death and resurrection, my old self--the one plagued with guilt and shame--is dead and the new self has been reborn.

I used to think that the Gospel was a bunch of crap. Little did I know that it was actually the answer I was looking for.

How NOT To Witness

2011-05-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

photo © 2011 ideacreamanuela2 | more info (via: Wylio)A few summers ago I had a job selling shoes at an under-staffed (and overpriced) department store. The only good thing about the job was it was right across the street from Subway. One evening I was walking to Subway to get some dinner when a man with sunglasses and a cheesy smile came up to me. He looked like he was trying way too hard to be Tom Cruise in Risky Business.

“Hey there buddy,” he said as he enthusiastically stuck his hand out, “I’m Steve. What’s your name?”

“Uh, Travis?” I responded.

“Awesome! So, what’s up, man?”

"Well, I’m just on my break from work.”

“That’s rad! Where do you work at, bro?” I pointed to the department store. “Do you like it there?” Steve asked.

“It’s alright,” I replied. “I mean it, like, pays the bills and stuff.”

“Well, buddy, I was like you once. I was at a dead-end job where I wasn’t getting paid anything. But then a friend told me about Network Market, and now I’m making more money than I ever dreamed of. We’re having a job fair at Holiday Inn next Saturday, and I’d love to see you there.”

“What kind of job is it?”

“It’s a network of markets. There’s the future, bro! Here, take my card.”

“Um, okay. I’ll think about it.”

“Hey, man, don’t think about it—do it! This is your opportunity. See you there!”

Needless to say, I didn’t go. It sounded too fishy.

I mention this because I think this is the way a lot Christians approach witnessing: a formula. They talk about Jesus as if He’s some amazing new product or program that will cure all the problems of the world. Don’t get me wrong; I definitely believe that Jesus gets us through tough times. But I think it is way too easy to make Him sound like a product instead of the King of kings.

Either that, or they make God sound like a sniper with his rifle aimed at you.

I once saw a video on YouTube of Todd Friel witnessing to some teenagers. He started by asking the classic evangelical opening question, “Do you think you’re a good person?”

“Yeah, I guess,” the teens reply.

“Well, the Bible says we’re not. We’ve broken God’s commandments. Have you ever told a lie?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re guilty before God and deserve eternal punishment. But Jesus died for your sins.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in sugar coating sin. But from my own observations, guilt-tripping people into following Jesus.

In fact, I don't think the Bible has any "how to witness" formulas. As many times as I've read the Bible, I've never seen Jesus walk up to a random person and ask, "Do you think you're a good person?" Neither is there anywhere in the Bible when, after some one asks, "What must I do to be saved?", Jesus says, "Repeat after me. 'Dear God, I know that I'm a sinner . . . '"

Charles Spurgeon once said soul-winning "should be the main pursuit of every true believer." While I definitely believe it should be at least one of our main pursuits (the others being feeding the poor, caring for the planet, speaking up for justice, etc.), sometimes I think we need better ways to win souls. And I'm not talking about making Jesus "relevant" by putting Him on a skateboard, or something hokey like that. I mean I think we should preach Christ in a way that He becomes something real, something beautiful, something that will make the soul leap for joy.

How do you do that? I don't know, yet. I'm still figuring that out.

How do you share your faith with others?

Special Blog Offer: A Mix For You

2011-05-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

Some writers plan out their books by writing outlines. Me, I make playlists on iTunes.

Whenever I get an idea for a book, I carefully pick songs that represent certain ideas and feelings I want to explore. Mostly I go for alt-folk, lo-fi, introspective music because I tend to write introspective stuff, but occasionally I'll throw in some Marvin Gaye and Christian hardcore if needed.

And today, because I'm in a generous mood, I want to give you a chance to download one of my playlists!

This is the playlist for a memoir I'm half-way through about finding God in the midst of depression. It's called "Beauty in the Breakdown," and here are the songs:

1. Nick Drake – Pink Moon
2. Bon Iver – Lump Sum
3. James Taylor - Fire and Rain
4. Lisa Gungor – Jesus and John
5. Jon Foreman – The Cure for Pain
6. Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy – A Minor Place
7. Elliott Smith – Between the Bars
8. Patty Griffin – Useless Desires
9. Alexi Murdoch – Song for You
10. Mindy Smith – Out Loud
11. Sara Groves - Less Like Scars
12. Death Cab for Cutie – Styrofoam Plates
13. Nico – The Fairest of the Seasons
14. Patrick Watson – Luscious Life
15. Nick Drake – From the Morning

You can download it here.

Or you can use this Amazon widget.

Amazon.com Widgets

Or if you don't want to buy it but still stream it, you can do so at Spotify.

Enjoy!

Why Bother With Harold Camping?

2011-05-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2011 youngmoigle | more info (via: Wylio)Well, looks like Harold Camping was wrong. The May 21st Rapture that Camping spent all of his energy on never happened. He's reportedly shocked, but everyone else isn't.

And if you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that I had a field day making fun of Camping all day Saturday!

I think at one point I even compared him to Marshall Applewhite, the leader of the Heaven's Gate cult.

My friend and Something Beautiful co-host Jonathan at one point said, "You're not gonna give that guy a break are you?" To be honest, I wasn't.

And that's because I've suffered a lot of anxiety attacks in the past believing that the world was going the end at any minute.

First there was Mrs. Nash (not her real name) in 11th grade who mixed Y2K paranoia with the Book of Revelation, and regularly told us in class that the devil was unleashed from his pit after his thousand-year imprisonment. And this was in a public school, too! Of course January 1, 2000 came and went, and nothing happened.

And then that summer while working at the Surratts-Clinton library, I came across some books about Nostradamus, The Bible Code, and the Left Behind series. I spent that entire summer in paralyzing fear, worrying that something bad was going to happen in the next year or two. It got so bad that I was sent to a therapist after I scratched my arms up with a sewing needle. Fortunately things got better than fall when I started following Jesus. His Word comforted me and told me that no matter what would happen, God would always be there.

Flash forward to the summer of 2006 when I skim through the book The Bible Code and suddenly start preparing for the big nuclear holocaust it predicted for that August. I couldn't eat, and whatever I did eat I couldn't keep down. Nothing made me happy. All I could do was look at the horizon and imagine a big nuclear blast coming my way. It got so bad that I had to go on Effexor (which I still take). Of course 2006 came and went, and I realized how much time I wasted.

So when I read about a mother killing her children and then herself to avoid the Tribulation, or all the people who gave up their entire lives to preach Camping's message, I immediately remember all the time I wasted throughout my life being scared to death. This isn't the Gospel! Jesus came to give us peace, not fear. Eschatology is supposed to inspire us to participate in God's restoration of the world. But why do that when you can scare people out of their money and lives?

Take it from me, folks, when Jesus says no one but God knows when the world will end, you better believe it!

What To Do About Sojourners

2011-05-19T19:27:00.001-07:00

In case you did not hear, progressive Christian group Sojourners recently got into some hot water after they turned down this advertisement from Believe Out Loud:

Jim Wallis released a statement on Sojourner's website explaining why they turned down the ad. Even though Wallis says all churches should "be welcoming of all people, regardless of race or ethnicity, gender, age, disabilities, religious background or denomination, or sexual orientation," he later confesses that LGBTQ rights aren't "at the core of our calling, which is much more focused on matters of poverty, racial justice, stewardship of the creation, and the defense of life and peace."

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for ending poverty, promoting racial justice, taking care of the planet, and promoting peace. I just wish Wallis would include LGBTQ rights in his mission. As some of my friends have pointed out, LGBTQ are some of the biggest victims of poverty.

Both Brian McLaren and Nadia Bolz-Weber, who both blog for Sojourners, have written responses to the controversy. And while I love and adore both McLaren and Bolz-Weber--McLaren is especially on the money about the on-going tension--I do wish they would have spoken up for the LGBTQ community a wee bit more.

But Travis, why would a straight guy like you be so concerned about LGBTQ right?

It's because during the past year some things happened that completely changed the way I look at LGBTQ issues. It all started last year when two people called me out for something I wrote on this blog. I don't want to get into all the details, but at first I was way too defensive. What could have been a civil conversation turned into a shouting match (with me doing all the shouting). Things died down, I apologized to the two people, and I've since become friends with both of them.

But their words stayed in my brain. I started thinking about what straight privilege meant, and whether or not the infamous "clobber passages" really meant what I thought they meant. But for the most part I still didn't take LGBTQ issues seriously.

And came the teen suicides that fall.

First it was just Tyler Clementi, but then it seemed like day after day there was another gay teenager that committed suicide. I suddenly realized that if our theology says that if there is a certain group of people who, even if they do follow Jesus, will ultimately not enter the Kingdom of God because of who they love . . . then something is seriously wrong!

Now I don't have all the answers. There's still a lot I have to learn, and a lot of things I still need to unlearn. But I do feel like Sojourners should have run the ad. We can't just sit on the fence while kids are killing themselves. And since Sojourners is constantly talking about justice the sanctity of human life, I would think that they would be one of the most vocal LGBTQ advocates.

And yet, I don't want to punish Sojourners, either. True, I did cancel my subscription to their magazine (I mainly read it if either McLaren or Walter Brueggemann wrote an article), but I don't want to say, "If you still read Sojourners, you're a bad person." I also don't want to create an "us vs. them" environment, where it's us LGBTQ allies on one side and all the evangelicals on the other. I'm pretty sure that will only screw things up more!

So, what do you do? Well, I think the first step is to listen. And I mean really really really really listen! We still need to have this conversation, and this conversation needs to lead us into action. Of course some folks aren't quite ready to be allies yet, so we shouldn't force anyone. But we definitely need to talk about these issues.

Hopefully some day Sojourners will change their minds. In the meantime, I hope to learn how to become a better advocate.

Live Your Own Story

2011-05-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

photo © 2011 Erin Kohlenberg | more info (via: Wylio)There's a scene in the movie Easy Rider where Wyatt and Billy (played by Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper, respectively) are sitting at a campfire smoking with a hitch hiker they just picked up. At one point Wyatt asks the hitch hiker, "You ever wanted to be some body else?"

The hitch hiker replies, in jest, "I'd like to try Porky Pig."

"I never wanted to be anybody else," Wyatt says.

I wish I could say I share Wyatt's self-confidence, but the truth is throughout my life I always wondered what it would be like to be some one else. I don't know why, but I always felt like everyone else had it all together and I was the habitual screw-up. Even now I try to emulate the people in my Facebook list of inspirational people: John Howard Yoder, Martin Luther King Jr, Brian McLaren, Wendell Berry, Mother Teresa, etc. When I feel like I'm not up to their level, I'm not doing something right.

Basically I want to live their stories, and not my own.

At the end of John chapter 21, the risen Jesus tells Peter to follow Him. Peter looks back, though, and sees John. "What about him?" Peter asks. Jesus replies, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me" (verse 22). In other words, Jesus reminds Peter that He has specific jobs for both Peter and John to do, respectively. Later on in 1 Corinthians 12, Paul compares the Church to a body made up of several different parts, but all working together. "Now if the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason stop being part of the body" (verse 15). Too often I'm like the foot that wants to be a hand. I'm jealous of other people's gifts and blessings.

I need to learn how to be content with where God has me right now. I need to figure out how I can love God and my neighbors with what the gifts, talents, and passions He has given me. I need to live my own story.

Besides, I think putting my heroes up on such a high pedestal is just idolatry. I end up pretending that they are like infallible messianic figures, which is clearly not the case (for example, MLK's alleged infidelity).

Will The World End On May 21, 2011? (Video Post)

2011-05-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Taste And See

2011-05-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

photo © 2007 Lauren "Lolly" Weinhold | more info (via: Wylio)"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."--Psalm 34:8

Because of the ridiculous prices of produce, this year my parents are growing some of their own vegetables. Our backyard has the worst soil in the world, so we're using container pots. We just finished growing lettuce since you have to grow it during cool weather.

When our lettuce grew in we couldn't believe how fresh and crisp it tasted. The texture was even thicker than the stuff we were used to eating. For a solid month we used our home grown lettuce every chance we got: in salads, on sandwiches, and even in tacos. We were just tickled pink that we actually made food!

Unfortunately the lettuce is all gone. Last night for dinner we had salads made with regular bagged salad mix. The leaves were all wilted, and they tasted like they were plucked three months ago. It just wasn't the same.

I mention this because I think that, after catching even a glimpse of the life God has for us, the stuff the world offers us just looks like crap in comparison. Sure, the world may have some fun things:

Power.

Money.

Sensual pleasures.

But it's all just processed junk food with no real nutrients compared to the things of God:

Love.

Peace.

Unity.

Eternal life.

Freedom.

The psalmist tell us to taste and see that the Lord is good. And I don't know about you, but I want something real.

Something natural.

Something pure.

All The Trees Of The Field Will Clap Their Hands

2011-05-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

photo © 2006 Zakwitnij!pl Ejdzej & Iric | more info (via: Wylio)“Sing for joy, you heavens, for the LORD has done this; shout aloud, you earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees, for the LORD has redeemed Jacob, he displays his glory in Israel.”—Isaiah 44:23

One of my favorite books is Herman Hesse’s “Siddhartha.” It’s the story of the son of a Brahmin who strikes out on his own to find enlightenment. After trying both asceticism Buddhism, and taking up a lover, Siddhartha finally finds peace after hearing the sacred syllable “Ohm” at the river.

I used to think that if I could be quiet enough I would hear nature speak to me the way the river spoke to Siddhartha. But every time Amy and I take walks through the woods, all I can hear is the wind rustling through the trees, the leaves crunch under our shoes, and the squirrels scamper across the leaves. I would wonder if maybe I wasn’t listening hard enough.

Now I think that perhaps I don’t need to hear some prophetic message in the woods to gain enlightenment . . . nature is already singing its praises to God. To take a walk through nature is to walk through a museum displaying God’s masterpieces. It's in the forest that I feel free. The noise from the world is far away like a distant planet. The woods invite me to hang my troubles onto the coat rack outside and slip off my worries as soon as I step foot inside. Then I’m in Eden. I’m experiencing the world the way God intended it to be: peaceful.

Father, all of creation praises you, the Creator. Please help us see your fingerprints in everything. In Jesus’ name, amen.

On Hearing About Bin Laden's Death

2011-05-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

photo © 2011 US Embassy | more info (via: Wylio)So I woke this morning, fixed myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, and sat down to read the paper as usual. There on the front page were these words:

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD

My first thought was, "Really? No bullsh*t? Took long enough!"

If I can be perfectly honest, I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, the Anabaptist in me who hates violence takes no delight in anyone's killing, even the most vile human being on the planet. For me, it would have been better if Bin Laden was captured and put on trial.

But on the other hand, there's a part of me thinking, "Forget all that peace crap! We finally got the son of a b*tch! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

I think probably the best way to respond is to pray. Today let's pray for both those affected by the 9/11 attacks, and those affected by the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Let's pray that one day men will beat their swords into plowshares and war no more.

Battle of Words

2011-05-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Rachel Held Evans is throwing a special Rally to Restore Unity, which includes a synchroblog. Here's my contribution. This was originally posted on RelevantMagazine.com (on Election Day 2008, ironically), but with the whole Love Wins debacle, I added a new paragraph.

* * *

My friend Max used to work at a small kitchen supply store that hardly had any business, so I would often visit him. He’s a very smart guy who has a lot of well thought out ideas about politics, art, and life. I may not always agree with him, but I’m always fascinated to hear what he has to say. I always end up thinking about things I had never thought of before.

One afternoon while we were chatting, the cleaning lady came in to pick up a key. Before she left she mentioned to us that she was having trouble finding a second job for the summer. “It’s because all the good jobs are going towards those daggone Mexicans,” she said.

“Well,” Max said, “if you’re living in extreme poverty, wouldn’t you take any job you can to feed your family?”

“But I pay my taxes,” stated the cleaning lady. “I can’t get a break like these Mexicans who are sneaking over here and stealing our jobs.” The debate went on like this until it started getting personal. At one point the cleaning lady accused Max’s construction worker father of hiring illegal immigrants. Max calmly tried to explain that, since his dad was just a foreman, he had no say in the hiring process. The cleaning lady just rolled her eyes as if Max was talking nonsense. After what felt like an hour, the cleaning lady finally left. Max could not have been happier.

I don’t want to start any debates about immigration. I mention this only because it reminds me of how much people want to prove that they are right, and everyone else is wrong.

Perhaps it comes from the natural drive for self-preservation. As you might remember from biology, all creatures have a “fight-or-flight” mechanism to help defend themselves against threats in nature. When danger arises—a hungry tiger comes looking for dinner, for example—the animal will puff up and get ready to either fight or run away. Without this natural trait, defeat would be all too easy.

But modern man, in his comfortable suburban existence, doesn’t really have as much to worry about as wild animals. We still face threats, of course: neighborhood violence, robbers, and overdevelopment, to name just a few. But nothing as immediate and threatening as, say, a jaguar about to eat you up. So what do we do with this natural self-defense mechanism? Use it for other situations, like debates.

We humans like to define ourselves by our beliefs. Whether they are political, religious, or social, our beliefs shape our personality and view of the world. When some one challenges our beliefs, everything that defines who we are is threatened, so that’s when the old fight-or-flight kicks in.

Nowhere have I seen this more than in online Christian forums. When I first became a Christian, I was excited to learn from fellow believers all over the web, and share my walk with them. Over the years, however, I’ve been seeing more and more arguments, debates, and name-calling. It’s either one side accusing another of being “fundamentalist Pharisees,” or some one being called a “liberal heathen.” And I, unfortunately, have participated in such arguments. So much for One God, One Faith, One Baptism.

I remember one person in particular, who used to frequent a Christian community on Livejournal. Her posts were always of the fundamentalist persuasion; she claimed that gays were ruining families, Democrats were enemies of God, and the Catholic Church distorted the Gospels. Whenever some one disagreed with her, she accused them of not reading their Bible enough, or being “liberal heathens.” This was a person who was not happy until she had proven that she was right, and everyone else was wrong. (This is also some one who recently wrote a blog entry suggesting that Barack Obama might be the Antichrist.)

And then of course there's the whole "Farewell Rob Bell" thing. I haven't read Love Wins yet (although my Something Beautiful co-host Thomas just sent me a digital version of the book for my brand new Kindle), but I couldn't believe that John Piper would just so flippantly write off Bell on Twitter. Whether or not you agree with Bell, he brings up a good question, one that I think the Church should talk about it. Unfortunately, it's been less of a conversation and more of a theological shouting match. I guess love doesn't really win after all.

Which brings me to this question: is all this arguing really worth it? Are we really teaching and correcting one another, or are we just tearing each other apart? The Bible says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV) I don’t know about you, but to me arguing and name-calling are not very helpful.

All of us come from different backgrounds and experiences. What if we took the time to hear each other’s stories to see where we all come from? To really serve some one, sometimes you have to put yourself in their proverbial shoes. In 1st Corinthians Paul writes, “To the Jews I became like a Jew to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law) so as to win those under the law.” (9:20, NIV) We don’t have to agree with each other, of course, but we can definitely understand each other better. The more we get to know each other, the better we can serve one another.

I pray for a great sense of unity within the Body of Christ. May we realize that we are all learning how all of this works, and that no one is perfect. And I’m praying for myself as much as I am praying for the Church.

Rev. James Manning - Still Crazy After All These Years

2011-04-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

As you may of already know, Wednesday President Barack Obama released his long form birth certificate to ~~get the idiots to shut up~~ prove that he is a U.S. citizen. Of course there are still some ~~racist buffoons~~ people who are still not convinced. One of them is our dear old friend Rev. James D(umbass) Manning:

Apparently Mr. Manning is not satisfied unless Obama releases his college transcript, his Social Security card, his shoe size, etc. He's also says that the term "birther" hurts his widdle feewings (you have to read those last two words in a little kid's voice). He also thinks that him and his friends Orly Taitz (who definitely isn't from America!) and Donald Trump represent 45% of the Republican party.

I think it's safe to say that Rev. Manning's tin foil hat is a little too tight.

Why The Resurrection Matters

2011-04-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Abir Anwar | more info (via: Wylio)
As you may remember, a few months ago I read Marcus Borg's Reading the Bible Again for the First Time. There was a lot that I liked, but there were a few things I disagreed with. The biggest disagreement Borg and I have is the Resurrection. For Borg, it doesn't really matter whether or not the tomb really was empty. But for me (and, believe it or not, many of my Emergent friends), the empty tomb changes everything, and here's why:

-Because not only do we die with Christ, but we also rise with Him. As I mentioned Friday, Paul writes that "our old self was crucified with [Jesus] so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin" (Romans 6:6). Well, that's not the end of the story. Paul goes on to say, "The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus" (verses 10-11, emphasis mine). On Good Friday our old selves died; on Easter our new selves emerged from the tomb.

-Because the Resurrection is Christ overcoming the worldly and demonic powers. The disciples thought they lost. Their beloved Messiah, the one they thought would bring them liberation, was lying dead in a tomb. But with the Resurrection, Jesus demonstrates His power over the worldly and demonic powers. Jesus is Lord, not Caesar, and not Satan.

-Because the Resurrection foreshadows all of creation's resurrection. Paul writes, "If it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then now even Christ has been raised" (1 Corinthians 15:12-13). Jesus' resurrection foreshadows the finally Resurrection, when the New Jerusalem comes down from heaven, the dead will rise, and we will all have new eternal bodies.

Vicit agnus noster--our Lamb has conquered!

One Small Flickering Light

2011-04-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 anita pratanti | more info (via: Wylio)
(I wrote this yesterday after attending my church's Good Friday Tenebrae service.)

As I write this I’m reflecting on my church’s Good Friday Tenebrae service, from which I just came. We meditated on our Lord’s passion as we extinguish the six candles, leaving the sanctuary in darkness. Yet even in the darkness, one candle still burns, and that’s the light of the promise of the resurrection.

I know darkness well -- darkness in my heart, darkness in my soul, and darkness in my mind.

I’ve been struggling with mental illness for most of my life. When I was in elementary school I used to jump off the monkey bars at recess hoping that I would die. In high school I started cutting myself on a regular basis. I’ve been in and out of therapy ever since I was 12. Even though I’ve been following Jesus for over ten years now, I still have frequent depression spells. Sometimes I wonder, “If God is bigger than the darkness, then why is the darkness winning?”

But the cross shows us that not only is God bigger than the darkness, but that God knows the darkness firsthand. He became flesh and dwelt among us in order to experience pain, misery, and death. With His death and resurrection, He put our old self to death and gave us a new life full of light. “If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed” (John 8:36).

I need to remind myself that even when the darkness attacks and all hope seems to be lost, one small flickering light still shines . . . the light of hope.

Why The Cross Matters

2011-04-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2010 David Brewster | more info (via: Wylio)
A few weeks ago I read John Piper's book The Passion of Jesus Christ. He wrote it around the time Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ came out (can't blame a guy for wanting the cash in!). In the book, Piper gives 50 reasons why Jesus had to die. I'm pretty sure he wrote it for people unfamiliar with Christianity, because it's basically Penal Substitutionary Atonement 101. It's not a bad book, mind you; I just think Piper could have gone a little bit deeper.

I like to think that the atonement is like a puzzle: you have to put all the pieces together to get the full picture. If you focus only on one specific atonement theory--Penal Substitutionary, Christus Victor, Ransom, etc.--then you're only looking one little corner of the picture. From what I read of the Bible, the cross is way too big to be crammed inside our neat and tidy little theological explanations.

So why did Jesus have to die? Why does the cross matter so much? I'm only an amateur theologian at best, but here are some reasons why I think the cross still matters:

-Because on the cross Jesus paid the debt of our sin. Paul writes in the book of Romans that "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, our Lord" (Romans 6:23). Because of early mankind's disobedience, we all suffer death. Thankfully "just as one trespass [Adam's sin] resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act [the cross] resulted in justification and life for all people" (5:18). God Himself became a (hu)man to experience the pains of death so that we may have life.

-Because the cross defeats worldly and demonic powers. Jesus began His ministry by reading from Isaiah: "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" (61:1, emphasis mine). Okay, so what are we prisoners of? According to Jesus, "everyone who sins is a slave to sin" (John 8:34). He had to become captive to the worldly and demonic powers so that we, like Barabbas the violent radical, could go free.

-Because the cross puts to death our old selves. Paul says that "our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin" (Romans 6:6). In other words, the part of you that wanted to the do the opposite of what God wanted, the part of you full of malice, greed, hatred, apathy, etc? That part is now dead. No, not weakened . . . DEAD!

The cross changes everything. And yet, it's still not the end of the story.

What does the cross mean for you?

Why Holy Week Matters

2011-04-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

Holy Week is a week full of contradictions, starting with Palm Sunday. Every one thought Jesus was finally going to overthrow the brutal Roman regime when He entered into Jerusalem. In a way, He was coming to free His people from bondage . . . but not the way they expected Him to.

First, He didn't enter into Jerusalem riding on a white stag like a gallant hero. Instead, He came riding on a donkey. Not the most intimidating animal in the world. Second, after the Last Supper, Jesus allows the Roman guards to capture Him. Sure, He could have called down a whole slew of angels to save Him. But He didn't, because that would go against the entire plan. Third, when Pilate asked the crowd who should go free, they picked Barabbaas over Jesus. Barabbas, as we're told, "was in prison with the insurrectionists who had committed murder in the uprising" (Mark 15:7). Barabbas, the violent zealot, goes free while Jesus, the Prince of Peace, is sentenced to death.

Then we get to the cross, which I will talk more about Friday, but for now I want to mention this. For three years Jesus' disciples followed Him wherever He went. For three years they waited for Him to free them. Now, here He is, hanging on a cross, dying. This can't be right! How could He just let Rome win? Maybe it was all just a waste of time.

And then came Easter morning . . .

John Galt - He's Not the Messiah!

2011-04-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Matthew Oliphant | more info (via: Wylio)
To the delight of Tea Party activists everywhere, a movie version of Ayn Rand's novel Atlas Shrugged is finally seeing the light of day. It'll be a trilogy that will try to be as faithful to the original book as possible. Part One comes out tomorrow . . . Tax Day.

With it's strong emphasis on capitalism and individual freedom, Atlas Shrugged could be seen as holy scripture for the Tea Party movement (next to the Bible and the U.S. Constitution). If you go to any Tea Party protest, no doubt you'll see many references to John Galt, referring to the hero of the book who leads the people to revolution. While I have not read Atlas Shrugged, I've read little bits here and here about Rand's philosophy. To be quite honest, I don't understand why a lot the Tea Party activists would embrace the teachings of both Jesus and Rand, because they seem like two completely different gospels.

First, Rand was an atheist who believed that religion was a threat to personal freedom. Faith, according to Rand, was "the exact antithesis and enemy of thought." In Atlas Shrugged when John Galt is giving his 70-page speech (which, one might say, is Galt's version of the Sermon on the Mount), he says:

"For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors - between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and the good is to live it."

Which brings us to my second point: the key concept of Rand's philosophy. Jesus sums up the entire Law of Moses with just two commandments: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' . . . And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" (Matthew 22:37, 39) Galt, on the other hand, sums up his philosophy with this: "I swear by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." One says the self must decrease and the other must increase; the other says the exact opposite.

Third, let's take a look at the symbols used to represent both worldviews. Christianity is symbolized by the cross: an ancient Roman device used for capital punishment. For John Galt, Rand uses the dollar sign: a symbol of wealth and prosperity. So basically Christianity is about losing the self, and Rand's philosophy is about gaining treasures for the self.

So just who is John Galt? To quote Monty Python, "He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

Lenten Meditation: Approaching the Table

2011-04-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2007 James Emery | more info (via: Wylio)
Once again, let me apologize for not writing a Lenten meditation last week. My head wasn't quite right.

For this week I want to talk about communion, which has always fascinated me. I'm not sure how exactly, but somehow two ordinary elements--bread (or matzo) and wine (or grape juice)--become the very body and blood of Jesus. When we eat the bread and drink the wine, we are accepting the sacrifice He made for us on the cross.

Which is why in Paul warns against approaching the table in an unworthy manner.

In his first letter to the Corinthians, he rebukes the church for the divisions among them, even when they celebrate the Lord's Supper:

"No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval. So then, when you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat, for when you are eating, some of you go ahead with your own private suppers. As a result, one person remains hungry and another gets drunk. Don’t you have homes to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God by humiliating those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you? Certainly not in this matter!"--1 Cor. 11:19-22)

Paul goes on to explain that to take the elements "without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgement on Himself" (v. 29). According to the notes in my NIV Study Bible, the word "body" could mean either the broken body of Jesus represented in the bread or the Church. I like to think maybe it is both.

The bread and the wine aren't just little morsels of food and drink we take together as part of some outdated ritual--they represent the very body and blood of Jesus, which He willingly gave to us for the forgiveness of sins! And He didn't just give His body and blood to just a select few special Christians, but to the entire Church. So the word "communion" itself explains it all: we are communing with both God and each other.

How do you approach the table in a worthy manner?

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 04/11/11

2011-04-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

After today I'm going to take an indefinite hiatus from Monday Morning Awesomeness. Sometimes it's hard to find cool videos. Plus, I want to focus more on my writing.

Today's Monday Morning Awesomeness is brought to you by one of my all-time favorite singers, Nick Drake.

Attention Writers: The "Not Alone" Project

2011-04-07T06:11:00.001-07:00

First, let me apologize for not writing anything for the past couple of days. I've been in a weird place mentally, so any prayers will be appreciated.

Which leads me to my next point. My friend Alise at Alise . . . Write is collecting personal essays about depression for a book project called Not Alone. Here she is giving an update on the project:

So let's recap:

-Seventeen submissions so far, but looking for a total of forty.
-Click here for more information (formatting, word count, etc.)
-Deadline: May 24, 2011

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 04/04/11

2011-04-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

This has got to both the saddest and cutest thing in the world!

Grace Wins (A Review of Jay Bakker's "Fall To Grace")

2011-04-01T10:34:00.001-07:00

(ANNOYING YET NECESSARY DISCLAIMER: The fine folks at Faith Words gave me an advance copy of this book to review for free. And by "for free," I mean neither of us had to pay the other.)

If fundamentlist Christians refer to Rob Bell's Love Wins as "the book that denies Hell" (even though from what I've heard that's not what Bell actually says), then Jay Bakker's latest book Fall to Grace is "the book that says gay is okay." While a good quarter of Fall to Grace deals with homosexuality (including a chapter that challenges the infamous 'clobber passages'), the book is much more than that. It's a reminder of God's unbelievable, incredible, and available grace.

The book begins with Bakker (with the help of Martin Edlund) retelling the story of his parents' fall from grace. Anyone who grew up during the '80s and '90s will certainly remember Jim and Tammy Faye's swan dive from televangelist superstars to symbols of everything that's wrong with evangelicalism. It was rough for Jim and Tammy Faye, but worse for Jay! Jay tried to destroy himself with drugs and alcohol, thinking that God would never want anything to do with him. But once Jay discovered God's grace, everything changed.

The rest of the book is a meditation on the book of Galatians, Paul's wonderful book about grace. Jay illustrates Paul's wonderful book about grace with stories from his friends and his own journey . . . including his work with the LGBT community. When his best friend from childhood Eric came out of the closet, Jay didn't take the news very well. But after a conversation with his mother, Jay learned that nothing changed about Eric. He was still the same kid Jay knew and loved since childhood.

Although the writing could go deeper in some parts, overall it's a great reminder that there is no one too far from God's reach.

Lenten Meditation: The Both/And Gospel

2011-03-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I listened to Tripp Fuller interview Andrew Sung Park on the Homebrewed Christianity podcast. I had never heard of Park before, but after hearing the interview I wanted to know more about him. According to Park's view of triune atonement, the death and resurrection of Jesus addresses both the sins of the world and the injustices of the world.

Here's a video of him speaking at the Transforming Theology session at the American Academy of Religion:

When I hear both my progressive friends and my evangelical friends talk about atonement, it's usually an either/or argument. Either the cross is only about the forgiveness of sins, or it's only a means of liberation for the marginalized. However, from what I understand of the Bible, it's not an either/or question: it's both/and. The Gospel is about both justice and justification.

First, there's justification. When the Pharisees asked why Jesus would share His meals with sinners, He replied, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17). Later on during the Last Supper, He tells His disciples that the bread and wine represent His body and blood, which are broken and shed "for many for the forgiveness of sins" (Matthew 26:27-28). Jesus, according to 1 John 2:2, is the "atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."

Without the Cross, we have no hope for forgiveness. We're stuck with our sin, our guilt, and our shame. It's only through the Cross that we are free from our sins.

Ah, but what about justice? Well, throughout the Old Testament the prophets call for justice among the nations. For example, there's this prophecy Isaiah has for "the rulers of Sodom" and "the people of Gomorrah:"

"'The multitude of your sacrifices— what are they to me?' says the LORD. 'I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats. When you come to appear before me, who has asked this of you, this trampling of my courts? [. . .}

Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.'" (1:11-12, 16-17)

Then later on chapter 10 beings with this lament:

"Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless. What will you do on the day of reckoning, when disaster comes from afar?
To whom will you run for help? Where will you leave your riches?" (verses 1-3)

In fact, now that I think about it, this reminds me a lot like what Jesus says to the Pharisees:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former." (Matthew 23:23)

If Jesus loves the spiritually marginalized, then I'm pretty sure He wants us to love the socially marginalized, too.

Now I'm only an amateur theologian at best, but if I'm reading these verses correctly it seems like justice and justification are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have one without the other, or else it's not really the Good News.

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 03/28/11

2011-03-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today's Monday Morning Awesomeness comes from The Civil Wars.

Seriously, you need to get their album now if you haven't already!

Attention Bloggers: Need Help For A Hell Discussion!

2011-03-25T07:50:00.001-07:00

With all the hoopla surrounding Rob Bell's new book, I thought maybe I could host a blog dialogue featuring two guest blogs who will give their reasons they believe Hell either does or does not exist. I figure if this new book is going to create a conversation about Hell, then we better know the arguments for and against Hell, right?

For the argument against Hell, my friend Crystal S. Lewis (no relation to the singer of course) said she was interested in writing that part. Now I need some one the write about the arguments for Hell.

If you are interested, please email me at travismamone83[at]gmail[dot]com (apparently it's safer to write your email address that way) and we'll work something out.

Thanks!

Lenten Meditation: Enough Grace For Everyone

2011-03-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Andrew | more info (via: Wylio)
Sometimes I like to imagine what Jesus' disciples unrecorded words might have been. For example, here's how I imagine how they probably reacted when Jesus invited Matthew to follow Him:

PETER: Oh, look, there's that no good tax collector Matthew.

ANDREW: That traitor! He's betrayed his own people by working for the Romans.

PETER: Shh, I want to hear what Jesus will have to say to him. I bet He's really going to lay in on Matthew!

JESUS: Follow me.

PETER: Wait, what? Excuse me, Jesus? Can I have a word with you?

JESUS: Yeah?

PETER: You do know who that is, right? That's a tax collector! He's working for the enemy.

JESUS: I know.

PETER: Why him?

JESUS: Why not?

I mention this because sometimes I think we like to believe that God's grace isn't big enough for everyone, or that certain people can never be saved. Have you ever met someone who seemed so far away from God that you thought s/he hadn't had a chance in hell (no pun intended) of making it to Heaven? Those are usually the people who end up changing their lives the most. That's because Jesus sees everyone the same; we all need salvation. We're all hopeless without God's grace, and fortunately there's enough grace for everyone who seeks it.

And now I close with the Book of Common Prayer's second Sunday of Lent prayer:

O God, whose glory it is always to have mercy: Be gracious to all who have gone astray from your ways, and bring them again with penitent hearts and steadfast faith to embrace and hold fast the unchangeable truth of your Word, Jesus Christ your Son; who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 03/21/11

2011-03-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

In today's installment of Monday Morning Awesomeness, MercyMe and their tour mates (including Jars of Clay and Lecrea) cover The Beatles' "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da." Did I mention the fake mustaches?

Is the Conversation Dead?

2011-03-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

photo © 1915 National Maritime Museum | more info (via: Wylio)
According to my friend Julie, the Emerging Conversation as we know it is dead. In fact, she even wrote an obituary for the Conversation:

"The Conversation died late last night after a long battle against a rare illness. Many people were shocked and saddened. It is survived by it’s partner Inclusion and also by it’s children, Questions, Openness, Constructs, and Context. Questions was going to speak at the Conversation’s memorial service, but could not due to duct tape that said, 'only allowed if you agree with me.' Unfortunately, Openness could not make it because it’s hands and feet were tied, because participators wanted to make sure people like John Piper, Ken Silva, and Chris Rosebrough could not enter the memorial. Constructs and Context were distracted with theologians and seminary students telling them how to behave. However, Inclusion was there and spoke poetically of it’s partner. Many say that the words brought about Conversation by Inclusion were so beautiful because Inclusion spoke behind a black sheet bringing forth only Inclusion’s words. One attendee said, 'Yeah, Inclusion has beautiful words, but better to be heard and not seen.' [. . .]

We tried to find Jesus to comment about this, but he was unavailable. He was busy spending time with Pharisees, tax collectors, the sick, the rich, the poor, Sadducees, LGBTQ, men, women, children, prostitutes, ministers, t.v. evangelist and more colorful mix of people. He did send one comment through his publicist the Holy Spirit, 'I died for this?'"

I hate to say this, but I think it's true.

The reason why I joined the Conversation a year or so ago is because I loved the idea of discussing what it meant to follow Jesus in the 21st century. A long the way I made some new friends (several of whom are on my blogroll on the right), I picked up some new ideas, and my faith became alive again. Sure, I sometimes had to deal with the legalists and heresy hunters, but for the most part the Conversation was pretty civil.

And then about a month or so ago, something strange happened. Both the conservatives and the progressives were yelling at each other about who had the right doctrine. Things really came to a head when Love Wins came out. Rob Bell probably hoped that his book would start a conversation about a complex subject, but instead it's a full-blown war. No one wants to listen to what the other person has to say. There are no shades of gray: either you believe everyone goes to Heaven in the end, or that God will throw the unrepentant into a literal lake of fire for all eternity. Period. End of story.

(Personally I think the Hell issue is a lot more complex than that. In fact, next week I hope to have two guest bloggers discuss both sides of the issue.)

What happened to that generous orthodoxy Brian McLaren proposed several years ago? Is that Big Tent no longer big enough for all believers? Can we ever find some sort of middle ground? I hope so, or else I just might walk away from the Church.

Lenten Meditation: Quit Playing Religion Games

2011-03-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

photo © 2009 Nestor Galina | more info (via: Wylio)
I'm sure you remember my I Hate Religion rant from a few weeks back. Looking back, my brushstrokes might have been a little too wide. I'm still disappointed by a lot of what I see in Christendom, but I don't really hate religion in-and-of itself.

I hate the religion games people play.

We've all met people who claim to follow Christ, who appear to be holy and righteous, and who point their fingers at every little mistake other people make. And then one day you find out that this so-called "godly man" is either cheating on his wife, or stealing money from the church, or maybe even sexually abusing his kids.

Or perhaps you've met some one who has all of their doctrines lined up in a row like ducks, and who seems to know the answer to every question. Yet when you look at their lives, you don't see any fruit. They've practically ignored the cries of the poor, they've passed by the suffering, and they've turned a deaf ear to the afflicted. Looks like some one forgot about the doctrine of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

And, yes, I've played those religion games. I still do. I do a great job of making people believe that I'm this perfect little disciple who never ignores the plight of others, and who loves God with his whole heart and mind and soul. In fact, sometimes I'm so convincing that I'll even fool myself! Of course I can never fool God, and eventually He catches up with my and exposes my lies.

But here's the good news: Jesus frees us from those religion games. Through the cross He makes us tear down our facades and gives us the freedom to be honest with God, each other, and ourselves.

What religion games to you find yourself playing?

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 03/14/11

2011-03-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

As you have heard, last week Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr passed away after a long battle with drug addiction. So in tribute, here's AIC's "Would."

Lent Begins: Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt

2011-03-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

photo © 2011 steven_jamesP | more info (via: Wylio)

If you want to know the truth, I suck at observing Lent. Whenever I vow to give something up, I end up indulging in it more and more. Of course that’s not want Lent is about in-and-of itself. Lent is a time when the Church prepares its heart for Holy Week, where we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Lent is a time for reflection and repentance.

I’m good at the reflection part. Most of writing is 90% navel gazing. The repentance part, though . . . well, that’s another story.

Years ago I read a book by Brennan Manning where he talks about the difference between good guilt and bad guilt. Good guilt, Manning writes, leads to repentance. Good guilt is when you think to yourself, “Wait, why am I doing this? This is stupid! I’m done with this.” Bad guilt, on the other hand, is when you think to yourself, “I’m such a horrible person! Nothing can save me. I’m just gonna wallow around in my own misery.”

And when it comes to bad guilt, I hold a Master’s!

I drudge all day carrying the load of my guilt on my back, getting weaker with each step. I pray for some sort of relief from my burden. But whenever some one says, “Go to the Cross and leave your burden at Jesus’ feet,” I always respond with, “No thanks, this is my burden, and I alone have to carry it.”

The reason why I’m so hesitant to repent is because I feel like God won’t forgive me. How can I show my face in church when I know that I’m living a lie? How can I approach a holy and righteous God with all of my screw-ups? I feel like I have to get my act together before I can turn to God.

As I write this I can’t help but think of the Pharisee and the tax collector. We’re told that it was the tax collector--the broken one who was too ashamed to even lift his head--who left the temple blessed, not the Pharisee who checked off all the boxes on his self-righteous checklist. That’s why, despite all my frustrations with religion, I keep coming back to Jesus again again: grace. Grace promises me that God still loves me, even though I screw everything up. Grace reassures me that things would eventually get better. Grace is that still small voice buried in my subconscious mind telling me, "Everything is going to be alright. Don't give up now."

Good guilt makes us run towards God. Bad makes us run away from God. Hopefully this year for Lent I will learn the difference.

What are you goals for Lent this year?

How Depression Works

2011-03-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

photo © 2009 shattered.art66 | more info (via: Wylio)

I wrote the following during a free-writing session about a month ago when I wasn't doing very well. Before I begin I want to make a few disclaimers.

1. If you are easily triggered, you might not want to read this.
2. The unedited version is a lot more graphic!
3. I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself.

* * *

Depression attacks always start as tiny snowballs and end with an avalanche. It starts innocently enough with the tiniest little mishap. It could be an argument with some one on the Internet, or a reoccurring problem at work, or something else. Whatever it is, you can’t just let it go. You think about it all day long. You try to distract yourself with other things—-music, work, a funny movie, etc.—-but no matter what you do you just can’t stop thinking about what happened. Your day was going just find until that mishap, and now you’re whole day is shot to hell. This is when the snowball picks up the first layer of snow while rolling down the hill: Anger.

You try not to let it bother you. After all, why should a tiny little mishap ruin your entire day? Certainly you have better things to worry about, right? But try as you may you just simply cannot forget about what just happened. So you replay the incident over and over again in your head as your anger grows more and more. It’s no longer a tiny little mishap; it’s now an insult against your very character. How dare they! Everything was going just fine until that incident happened. Now everything is ruined! A hex on them all! By this time, though, another layer has formed on the growing snowball: Guilt.

In the midst of your brewing anger, you suddenly realize, “Wait a minute. Aren’t I supposed to be Mr. Nonviolent-Love-Everyone-Christian-Boy? Why am I still harboring these feelings?” But you don’t repent; it’s not that kind of guilt. Instead, you crawl inside of a Budweiser bottle and drown yourself in alcohol. The more you drink, the more the voices in your head prove that you’re a failure, so you drink some more. Eventually you’ve absorbed enough alcohol for the snowball to add on another layer: Self-Destruction.

Everything is crumbling around you. Visions of destruction fill your head day and night. You want to wake up screaming from this nightmare, but you're wide awake. In the end, you go back to your old trusty friend the razor. As you stick the blade into your skin, you can feel the demons escape through the fresh cut in your arm. A few strokes later, and then it’s over. The voices stop. Everything is quiet again. The snowball finally crashed.

You beg God for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. You tell your therapist that you made a mistake, but you’re really serious about cleaning up your act. A few months go by and things are okay. No real worries. You use all the techniques your therapist taught you. Things are under control. But secretly you know that it won’t be long before another tiny little snowball will start falling down the mountain.

Monday Morning Awesomeness: 03/7/11

2011-03-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

This week's Monday Morning Awesomeness is brought to you by BarlowGirl and their song, "I Believe in Love." Enjoy!

Why I Hate Religion

2011-03-05T07:58:00.000-08:00

photo © 2010 Casey Muir-Taylor | more info (via: Wylio)
One of my all-time favorite comedians is George Carlin. He’s one of the few stand-up comedians that could make you both laugh and think at the same time. One of his most famous routines is “Religion is Bullsh*t” where he makes his case for atheism. Here’s how Carlin sums up religion:

“Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man...living in the sky...who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever 'til the end of time...but he loves you!”

On one hand, it’s a bit of an exaggeration. But on the other hand, I think Carlin was right on the proverbial money.

I can’t count how many times preachers have described the holy and sovereign God as a dictator sitting in his high chair watching over everything we do, say, and think, ready to get his smite on whenever some one makes the slightest mistake. This is why I cringe whenever God is described as holy and sovereign. It’s not because I don’t believe God isn’t holy or sovereign. I do, very much so. It’s just that often when preachers describe God as holy and sovereign, what they really mean is, “God’s gonna seriously eff you up!”

And that’s why I hate religion.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not an atheist. Neither am I rejecting Jesus or the Bible or the Church. I still follow Christ. I just don’t follow religion anymore. Religion is what happens when people twist the Gospel to make it fit their own agendas.

Religion is motivated by fear.

Faith is motivated by love.

Religion’s main driving force is rules.

Faith’s main driving force is God.

Religion has all the answers wrapped up in neat and tidy boxes.

Faith isn’t afraid to live the questions.

I also hope no one thinks I’m suggesting universalism. Believe me, I’m not a universalist (and apparently neither is Rob Bell). I believe that on Judgment Day we’ll all stand before God. However, when I read the Bible I can’t help but notice that the Gospel is so much bigger than a Get Out of Hell Free card.

It’s about God restoring the world through Jesus.

It’s about freedom from sin and bondage.

It’s about reconciliation with both God and each other.

And that’s why I can’t embrace Carlin’s atheism: the Gospel is so much bigger than what religion has made it out to be.

Question the Answers

2011-03-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

photo © 2009 walknboston | more info (via: Wylio)
I'm not a Buddhist, but I like to read about Buddhism from time to time. I think as a philosopher and a teacher, the Buddha had a lot of deeply profound things to say. Here's one that I've been thinking about a lot lately:

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. . . . Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

I don't know about you, but it's much easier for me to automatically believe whatever the "experts" say is true or "orthodox" (notice the quotation marks). I'm afraid to ask questions because I'm afraid of what the answer might be. What if everything I've ever been taught is a lie? But when I finally do ask the questions, I'm always pleasantly surprised by the answer.

For example, last year when I nudged my way into the emerging church conversation, I was introduced to all these new ideas about the Gospel, the Bible, the Cross, and eschatology. I was also reading a lot about the New Calvinism movement and their theology. With all the different voices and ideas coming at me, though, I no longer knew what to believe. Was Christus Victor the right atonement theory, or was it Penal Substitutionary Atonement? Was God still angry at everyone? But I just kept going through the motions of doing church because I didn't want to lose my faith. The problem was, I was my faith! So finally I started asking questions and investigating my beliefs. I emptied out everything that I had been taught about Jesus, and re-read all four gospels.

And when I did, the strangest thing happened. I regained my faith in Jesus! I studied His teachings and found out He was right all along!

Questioning what you've been taught is scary, but it's necessary for growth. If we stop asking questions, we stop learning, and therefore we stop growing. Besides, I think Jesus is big enough to handle our questions. He even said, "Ask and you shall receive."