The Twilight Saga: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Even though Joy Bennett isn't doing Life: Unmasked this week, I still have a confession to make: I've seen all five Twilight movies.

I should point out that it was only for research purposes only (I swear!). With all the hype, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Plus my boyfriend Sean loves Twilight, so Twilight sort of just came with the territory.

The Twilight saga isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it certainly ain't no Harry Potter!

So for today, I'm going to give you, my dear readers, the lowdown on the good, the bad, and the ugly of Twilight.

THE GOOD

-The cinematography. You can turn the sound off and just look at all the beautiful Washington state scenery and dark colors. It would make it an entirely different saga, though, but maybe that's a good thing.

-The music. Before Twilight, Iron and Wine was mostly known for their cover of "Such Great Heights." But thanks to Twilight, millions of teeny boppers now know the beautiful song known as "Flightless Bird, American Mouth."


-The portrayal of Native Americans. Now you could say that since the Native American characters were all werewolves, the Twilight saga falls into the familiar "non-white people = animals" trope. But other than the whole werewolf thing, Jacob and his family are actually written as three-dimensional characters instead of just wise people who help white characters find enlightenment.

-Michael Sheen as Aro the creepy evil vampire. Sheen and Dakota Fanning are the only real actors in the Twilight saga.

-The twist near the end of Breaking Dawn 2. I don't want to give away too much, but if themes of redemptive violence bother you, this movie will put a unique spin that I think you'll enjoy.

-Taylor Lautner bare chested. 'Nuff said!

THE BAD

-The acting. Other than Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning, nobody can act their way out of a paper bag! Is Kristen Stewart's face permanently stuck like that?

-They wussified vampires. Me, I like my vampires to be blood sucking killers, not wimpy sparkly goth dudes. I don't mean to bash sensitive guys (I am one!), but I do want my vampires to be, you know. scary.

-Jacob "imprints" on Bella's daughter Renesmee. Apparently imprinting is a werewolf thing where the werewolf becomes the imprintee's soul mate. Of course Jacob doesn't do anything with Renesmee in the movie (thank God!), but it's still pretty creepy.

THE UGLY

-Bella Swan is the least female empowering character ever! Ultimately I cannot call myself a Twilight fan because of Bella's anti-feminist character development. For starters, SHE MAKES UP HER MIND THAT SHE WANTS TO BE A VAMPIRE WITH EDWARD FOREVER AT THE END OF THE FIRST FUCKING MOVIE! If you were in love with a vampire, wouldn't you take some time to think about it and talk it over with your undead significant other? That's how real relationships work--you talk to your partner about how to achieve your goals.

Second, other than shielding Edward a few times in Breaking Dawn 2, Bella doesn't really do anything except let two hot guys fight over her. Hermione Granger fought Voldemort alongside Harry and Ron. Katniss Everdeen fought the evil government. Bella just sits there. Yeah.

Third, after Bella and Edward have honeymoon sex in Breaking Dawn 1, Bella wakes up to find herself covered in bruises. Edward was ashamed, even though he didn't mean to do it (he is, after all, a supernatural being with 10 times the strength of an ordinary human). But the disturbing part was how Bella didn't really care. I'm not saying Bella should have dumped Edward right there and then, but I would have at least had some second thoughts about whether or not the marriage would work. The book may have gone into this more, but the movie just mentioned it briefly.

So there you have it, my thoughts on the Twilight saga. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll get started reading Catching Fire before the movie comes out next year.