(Painting by Daniel McKernan.)
I often hear Christians say that Jesus does not offer us a comfortable life, and that God will often taken us out of our comfort zones.
The problem is, no one has ever explained to me what that means.
Does it mean that Jesus doesn't want us to sit on our butts all day counting our blessings, and that he wants us to go out and love people? Does it mean Jesus wants us to show love and mercy to people we tend to ignore? Or does it mean Jesus will deliberately put me in a situation that will give me an anxiety attack?
I always interpreted it as, "God's gonna deliberately give you an anxiety attack."
For example, back when I was engaged to Amanda, I kept having these intense anxiety spells whenever we talked about marriage. Amanda and her family just thought I was being immature, so they always told me to snap out of it and "man up." And I believed them, too. I thought I was just being overly dramatic again. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I wanted to kill myself. I had to break up with Amanda. I haven't had many anxiety attacks since then.
But every once in a while, I still feel like God's mad at me for breaking up with Amanda.
Maybe my relationship with Amanda was God's way of pulling me out of my comfort zone. If so, why did it have to hurt so much? Why did I feel like suicide was the only other option for me? Surely this can't be God's work!
But what if it is? What if this is part of the whole "self-sacrifice" thing?
If stepping out of my comfort zone includes me getting over my selfish nature in order to love people, then I'm all for it. But if it means God is going to deliberately put me in a situation where anxiety attacks nearly drive me to suicide, then count me out!
The problem is, no one has ever explained to me what that means.
Does it mean that Jesus doesn't want us to sit on our butts all day counting our blessings, and that he wants us to go out and love people? Does it mean Jesus wants us to show love and mercy to people we tend to ignore? Or does it mean Jesus will deliberately put me in a situation that will give me an anxiety attack?
I always interpreted it as, "God's gonna deliberately give you an anxiety attack."
For example, back when I was engaged to Amanda, I kept having these intense anxiety spells whenever we talked about marriage. Amanda and her family just thought I was being immature, so they always told me to snap out of it and "man up." And I believed them, too. I thought I was just being overly dramatic again. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I wanted to kill myself. I had to break up with Amanda. I haven't had many anxiety attacks since then.
But every once in a while, I still feel like God's mad at me for breaking up with Amanda.
Maybe my relationship with Amanda was God's way of pulling me out of my comfort zone. If so, why did it have to hurt so much? Why did I feel like suicide was the only other option for me? Surely this can't be God's work!
But what if it is? What if this is part of the whole "self-sacrifice" thing?
If stepping out of my comfort zone includes me getting over my selfish nature in order to love people, then I'm all for it. But if it means God is going to deliberately put me in a situation where anxiety attacks nearly drive me to suicide, then count me out!
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